by Tim Emswiler
illustration by Joe Niedbala
Little Billy couldn’t sleep. He lay in bed under the blanket with the silk edging, which he usually rubbed between his thumb and forefinger until he fell asleep. But on this night, his thumb and forefinger were occupied in grasping and gently wiggling one of his front teeth, which was quite loose.
He didn’t think it was ready to come out just yet, but it seemed to get looser with each wiggle. He really wanted to just yank it out and wake up the next morning to see how much money the Tooth Fairy had left him, but he knew that would hurt, and Little Billy did not handle pain at all well.
Finally, Little Billy got out of bed and walked down the hall toward the bathroom. He really didn’t need to use the toilet; he just wanted his father to know that he was awake. Perhaps he could pull the tooth that Little Billy was afraid to pull himself. Little Billy knew exactly where all the creaky boards in the hallway were, because he generally tried to avoid them when he was supposed to be in bed. This time, however, he purposely stepped on each of them as hard as he could. But as he approached the closed door of his parents’ bedroom, he knew that they wouldn’t hear him in the hall. Between the fact that the door was closed and that he could hear the television playing louder than usual on the other side, Little Billy knew that his parents were doing The Thing That He Was Not Supposed To See or Hear.
It didn’t happen very often, maybe once a month or so, but it always made Little Billy feel jealous and angry that his parents did something that he was not allowed to be a part of. Of course he had a vague idea of what they were doing, and an equally vague understanding that it was meant to be private, but this understanding did little to lessen his annoyance. He knocked on the door.
After knocking a second time, he finally heard his father’s voice, trying unsuccessfully to hide his own annoyance.
“What is it, son? You’re supposed to be asleep, you know.”
“C’mere.”
“What is it, Billy? If you need a drink of water, I think you’re old enough to get it yourself, don’t you?”
“Just c’mere, please, Dad?” He didn’t want to yell through the door and have his mother hear; she would just tell him to go back to bed and stop being such a baby.
A few moments later, he could hear his father’s grumbling and footsteps approaching the door. Big Bill stood looking down at his son, waiting for an explanation for the interruption.
“It’s my tooth,” Little Billy said, although Big Bill had a hard time understanding because the boy was wiggling the tooth as he spoke. Once he understood what his son wanted, his face seemed to soften slightly, and he led the boy into the bathroom to have a look at the tooth.
“Sorry, son,” he said after a brief examination. “No visit from the Tooth Fairy tonight. This little guy is not ready to come out just yet.”
Big Bill noticed the look of disappointment that crossed his son’s face, and ran his hand through the boy’s hair. “Maybe you can talk your Mom into fixing corn-on-the-cob for dinner tomorrow night. One bite, and you won’t have to worry about that tooth anymore. Unless, of course, you swallow it. We wouldn’t want a tooth tree growing in there, now would we?”
Little Billy failed to notice the twinkle that his father always got in his eyes when he was teasing the boy. “Sure,” Big Bill went on, “If you swallow a tooth, it takes root in your stomach and grows into a tree that has teeth instead of leaves.”
Big Bill failed to notice the fear in his son’s eyes as he sent him back to bed with a fatherly pat on the behind.
Now, here are three possible endings for this story. Read through them all, and decide which one you like best.
Ending A:
The following night, Little Billy’s mother did indeed make corn-on-the-cob to go with the hamburgers for dinner. One bite into the corn and the loose front tooth dislodged from its tenuous mooring in the boy’s gum and, before he even knew it was happening, the tooth slid down his throat along with a mouthful of barely chewed kernels. He immediately tried to cough the tooth back up, but it was too late. He thought he could feel the tooth as it made its way down into his stomach, and tears came to his terror-filled eyes.
Big Bill assured him that the tooth tree was just a story, there was nothing to worry about, the tooth would pass out safely the next time Little Billy had a bowel movement. The boy badly wanted to believe his father, but all he could think of was the idea of a tree growing inside him, its branches spreading throughout his body, the teeth/leaves sprouting and cutting and tearing…
Little Billy had a hard time falling asleep that night, his mind filled with frightening images whenever it wasn’t focused on the queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.
When Little Billy failed to answer his calls the next morning, his father went to the boy’s room to see what was keeping him.
Little Billy lay on the bed, the sheet and blanket thrown off as if the boy had thrashed about in his sleep. As he came nearer, Big Bill saw that every inch of exposed flesh on the small, still body was covered with tiny wounds, each of which trickled a tiny drop of blood. Within the livid pink edges of the wounds, Big Bill could glimpse a pearly whiteness.
Ending B:
After the boy was back in his room, Big Bill went back to his own room and slipped back into bed with his wife, who was waiting to pick up where they had left off. With the door closed and the volume turned back up on the television, he didn’t hear his son leave his bedroom again and make his way down to the basement.
The following morning when Big Bill went to wake Little Billy for school, the boy was not in his room. His father quickly searched the house, calling his son’s name and was on the verge of calling the police when he heard a low moan coming through the basement door.
He found his son slumped in a corner of the basement, the lower half of his face a hideous mask of dried blood. Little Billy tried to speak, but all that came through the caked, bloody lips were unintelligible sounds. Big Bill noticed an odd, slack look to the boy’s face- and then, as the boy again tried to speak and the lips parted, he saw with horror that both of the boy’s front teeth were missing.
He rushed to his son and gently pulled the lips apart. As if in cooperation, the boy opened his mouth wider, revealing nothing but raw, bloody gums. Only then did Big Bill see what lay on the floor beside the boy: A pair of Craftsman pliers and a pile of small white teeth.
The boy was still trying to speak and Big Bill leaned closer, his ear almost touching his son’s lips. The coppery smell of blood wafted on the boy’s breath as his father finally made out the words: “No tree now.”
Ending C:
A few days later, Big Bill pulled Little Billy’s front tooth with the barest minimum of pain and blood. The Tooth Fairy left Little Billy a whole dollar; his father told him that front teeth were worth more.
Little Billy grew up to be a fine young man, and in later years he warned his own children about the tooth tree. Of course, the twinkle in his eyes told them that their father was only teasing.
Okay, now. These optional endings can be used as a test to determine if a person in whom you are interested would actually be compatible with you.
It’s simple. After you’ve decided which ending you like best, let the object of your affections read the story and pick his/her preferred ending. Here’s how to interpret the results:
If you both picked Ending A, you’re all set. Same if you both picked Ending B. If one of you chose A and the other B, or vice versa, a relationship is still possible, but would require some extra effort on account of the differences in your ways of looking at the world.
If your potential partner chose Ending C, obviously s/he has, at best, a questionable grasp on reality. Further contact with this person should be avoided at all costs.
Unless, of course, you yourself chose Ending C, in which case you deserve each other. Good luck.