Godzilla
with Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno, Hank Azaria, Maria Pitillo
Directed by Roland Emmerich
Written by Dean Devlin, Roland Emmerich
(Columbia/TriStar)
by Ryk McIntyre
Well, you can’t say we didn’t know this one was coming. From buses as long as his jaw, multiple subway trains the size of his tail, and a promotional blitzkrieg that would’ve made the Third Reich pop a boner, it would’ve been a big rock indeed that you’d’ve needed to be under not to notice it. It’s the best “Giant Reptile” movie since Beast From 20,000 Fathoms, or Reptilicus. It’s the worst Godzilla movie EVER, and I include here the films with Gadzookie (a horrifying glimpse at Barney-of-Christmas-yet-to-be…).
That’s how out-of-place Matthew Broderick looks trying to do action/adventure, and how poorly Maria Pitillo fills up camera time trying to remind us of Elizabeth Shue. Unless, of course, her whole performance is a kind of metaphor for unethical journalism and overall human weakness – in which case, she rocks. Honestly, it is Jean Reno and Hank Azaria who save almost any scene they’re in, especially working off each other. Special mention goes to Reno’s idea to impersonate Americans by using gum-chewing Elvis-accented poor enunciation. It’s not that there aren’t a number of scenes/events that further kick this mangy dog to the curb, it’s that it would take too long to describe them all, and you’ve probably seen the movie already. If you haven’t (and God bless you and your lucky rock), then rest assured all you missed was a trip down the food chain called Hollywood Discharges A Movie (and how it’s gotta steal from Spielberg and it’s gotta have a car chase, which they also stole from Spielberg). My greatest tip is not only to wait for it on video, but to check out if your local video store has two-for-one night. You might as well see one good movie, right? That little piece of advice should serve you well when G II comes out, or will that be G 2000?