The Sleazies

Trite Ditties and Meaningless Crap (Pelado)

by Ewan Wadharmi

Clinical trial #PR-52

Test Subject: Mild to moderately depressed 14-25 year old males.

Medication: The Sleazies

Control Group: The Queers

Early trials prove promising. Subjects exhibit immature snickering and irreverent guffawing as fast-acting goof punk is administered intravenously. Test group describes the sensation as similar to Ramones and Vandals, with an occasional reoccurrence of Social D. Shaking of buttocks and pumping of fists seems to be caused by happily ripping guitar and shifting but familiar song structure. Remedial lyrical content laced with pop-culture, such as “Kill Buzz Aldrin/kill your friends/kill Butros Butros Gali/then kill your friends/kill Elmo, Waldo, Barbie and Ken” produces a euphoric effect and alleviates shoegazing with 85% effectiveness. Reports indicate that “Gonna Operate on Myself” was favored for smirking and mood stabilizing. When exposed to “I Can’t Wait,” some subjects began to feel anxious and restless as though they were “going in circles in a pit.” While “Hot Lunch” caused others to complain of a propensity to pursue underage girls accompanied by feelings of guilt and slight nausea. Erectile dysfunction was remedied by a projectile lead placebo to the cranium on “Get It Up.” Indications were “I’ll get a hard-on after I die/rigor mortis down there between my thighs.” The Sleazies have not been proven effective for long-term therapy, but intermittent usage as warranted was helpful. Side effects reported include; misogyny, short eyes, locker room humor, and crotch rot. Results proved unfavorable when tested on female subjects in the same age bracket.
(www.peladorecords.com)