(Smackdown/Columbia)
by Scott Hefflon
I got the soundtrack to Ready to Rumble for $2 in a used CD store. I was stoked cuz Bif Naked’s cover of Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It” rocks. And while I like that cowboy song thing he did, Kid Rock lamed out on “Bawitdaba” there, as he did with his cover of ZZ Top’s “Legs” here. And just to finish up the Ready to Rumble comparison (it’s funny, this comp isn’t), the best shit – The Offspring’s cover of Agent Orange’s classic “Bloodstains,” Run-DMC’s “King of Rock,” House of Pain’s “Jump Around,” Mötley Crüe’s “Girls, Girl, Girls” – ya really oughtta have elsewhere. But the film is cool. People get hit in the balls a lot. David Arquette shows what a loon he really is. And Rose McGowan and some other hotties dance in skimpy outfits.
WWF Forceable Entry? Boring. Maybe this is for trudging through the mall, looking cool and checking your ball cap in the mirrors, the paces slow enough so your pants won’t fall down around your ankles or whatthefuckever. Many of these are “big” names, but they’re mostly so monotone, there’s no real impact. For music to kick ass to, this is pretty sleepy stuff. Then again, I listen to real metal, the kind of violent stuff that’ll have tough guys curled up in the corner in a puddle of their own pee, shaking and asking for their mommies. Cradle of Filth and freaky, scary, dark-hearted shit. Yeah, but ya can’t really lift weights to it, I guess… My bad.
And say, doesn’t “Forceable Entry” sound kinda, ya know, gay? Big guys in Speedos and tights smacking sweaty skin and laying on top of each other (“pinning,” I believe they call it) talking about forced entry? Hey, this ain’t my culture, I’m just askin’… Bands going for the bodyslam: Drowning Pool, Creed, Disturbed, Limp Bizkit, Our Lady Peace, Rob Zombie, Breaking Point, Marilyn Manson, The Union Underground, Sevendust, Saliva, Monster Magnet, Stereomud, Neurotica, Cypress Hill, Dope, Boy Hits Car.