Tedio Boys

Outer Space Shit (Elevator Music)
by Jon Sarre

Okay, I don’t know dick about the rock’n’roll scene in Portugal, who does? I don’t even think Maximum Rock’N’Roll does a “Lisbon Scene Report” (they probably tried, but the “neo-fascist” junta that doubtlessly runs the country probably ran the pinko punkos outta town). Anyway, I obviously know less ’bout rock music (or Portuguese music in general) in Coimbra, Port. than the Tedio Boys know ’bout Elvis, Link Wray, the Trashmen, the Cramps and Texas Psychobilly. Hell, they probably know more ’bout that shit than most Americans (which is the way it goes in the country that produced the Wray brothers and the Hanson brothers). The thing with Tedio Boys is that they can run off surf, sci-fi b-movie soundtracks, Desperate Rock’n’Roll, tex mex, etc, but their songs sound like a buncha covers because of it. Outer Space Shit seems more like a demo of a weird bar band than the junkculture genre fuck it’s supposed to be. Some moments, like on “Hey Bones,” where Tedio Boys sound like the Cramps mixin’ “She Said” with “Surfin’ Bird” or “One Eye Sue” (which is like Link Wray goin’ mano a mano with the Reverend Horton Heat), are undeniably cool and everything works the way I’m sure they envisioned it – the sound is very authentic and very American. Others, though, like “Baldie (the Bulldog)” which ain’t Green Day and ain’t Chris Issak, but somewhere in between (Social Distortion?), or “Evil Dope,” a sample-heavy instrumental ride in a Fiat which convinces me that there’s no surf in Portugal, just goes to show ya that burgers, fries, Russ Meyer and an impressive record collection tells ya less ’bout the States than TV. Tedio Boys got their hearts in the right places though, and I’d gladly trade a certain three floppy-haired brothers from Oklahoma for ’em. If I could only stuff the little bastards in this damn box!