Addicted to Murder

with Mick McCleery, Laura McLauchlin, Sasha Graham
Directed by Kevin J. Lindenmuth
Written by Kevin J. Lindenmuth, Tom Piccirilli
(Brimstone Productions)
by Neil Brewer

French philosopher Pierre Marivaux once asked, “We humans are such limited creatures – how is it that there are so few limits when it comes to human suffering?”

Well, Kevin Lindenmuth and the good people at Brimstone Productions took the time to answer him with their release of Addicted to Murder. Illustrating both the boundaries of human abilities on the part of its cast and crew, and bravely allowing the viewer to forge new ground in the human suffering department, this film leaves its audience with a feeling of cheapness comparable to that of a truck stop whore.

Addicted to Murder traces the dark and troubled life of Joel Winter. A seemingly average “Joe,” Joel is actually a vicious serial killer who reigns death upon the innocent citizens of New York in an attempt to recapture the childhood romance he shared with a vampire chippy known simply as Rachel. However, Rachel is no ordinary vampire. Rather than satisfying her ungodly hunger with sucking blood, she prefers to feel the sweet release of death over and over again. She continually rises from the dead to get screwed and then murdered by our protagonist who for some reason (even though he’s an uncontrollable serial killer) acts like a real pussy about it. It was somewhere around here that my willful suspension of disbelief got up to use the head, and I was left all by my lonesome to sort through the ever-thickening plot, which also includes several Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer-esque romantic episodes. As well as a run-in with another vampire mistress from whom Joel tries to uncover the whereabouts of his lost love but winds up being fodder for her wicked desires.

One of the most frustrating things about this film is the sex and violence scenes between Joel and those two hot-blooded young vampire women. In every case you’re tantalized by the promise of beholding some ghastly murder, or maybe a glimpse of a breast or something. But alas, it’s only a setup for the letdown. I suppose the production couldn’t afford the extra twenty-five beans needed to coerce the two starlets into baring some skin. Oh well… The film does boast some rather intense acting however. The Joey Buttafucco look-a-like who plays the lead catches you off-guard now and again with an almost professional performance, as do the two female vamps, especially Rachel. Yet it’s the dialogue that seems to send these performers spiraling into the “Vampire Vortex” (as the box puts it) and reduces the movie to a level beneath my twelve year old brother’s school production of Oliver Twist. At one point, Joel is approached by a prostitute and warns her “don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.” Is that supposed to be some clever reference to the Incredible Hulk series – like a joke or something??

I can’t really say how the movie ends because about fifteen minutes shy of it I got really bored and started reading Club Magazine, but I’m sure it was gruesome and horrifying. The bottom line is: I would recommend Addicted to Murder as a great film to any Gothically-inclined, necrophiliac, absinthe-drinking rave clubbers who eat up all the vampire shit they can get their black finger nails into. However, for those of us on a more even keel, I’d say Addicted to Murder is an unimaginable waste of time and a perfectly good camcorder tape.

Never having been one to give up easily, I valiantly made another attempt at viewing a Brimstone Production sent to me with Addicted. The second film, Creature Realm: Demons Wake, looked surprisingly good, and I was filled with optimism as I began to watch. But it wasn’t long before I felt the pains of disappointment as the tape sent to me was not Creature Realm, but rather several episodes of the WB’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I guess someone accidentally copied over the tape, but it wasn’t all bad ’cause they were some really kickin’ episodes. One of which had Willow getting ready for bed in underwear and a baseball shirt. Not a total loss. So.. in summation: Willow good, Brimstone bad.