The Meatmen
Toilet Slave (Meat King)
by Duke Crevenator
All right kiddies, get ready for the real Second Coming. The God of all punk rockers, Tesco Vee, has returned with his Meatmen to rid the world of Hippies, Republicans, Gun Control Advocates, Christians, and all other unbelievers of the True Word. It’s a gospel made up of an insanity-ridden, drug-induced, rage-fed lifestyle with a firm foundation of misanthropy holdin’ it all together. All you weenbag sellouts like Rollins, Danzig, and Haynes better be runnin’ for cover before you have a run-in wit’ Mr. Vee himself. Yes, for once I feel good about the future of American punk, cuz the Meatmen are back.
With the demise of Tesco Vee’s Hate Police came a glaring gap in the realm of Rock-n-Roll heroes. Imagine my glee when Tesco informed me that the Meatmen shall arise again. Then I got an exclusive preview of the new album Toilet Slave.
The first song, fittingly enough, is a modern day reprise of the Meatmen’s first album title We’re the Meatmen and You Suck! It’s hard to believe it’s been 13 years since I first popped that baby on the turntable, but you’d never know it by listenin’ to Tesco and his new lineup vent the rage of livin’ in this shitty age. In a way, it’s like nuthin’ has changed. Tunes rangin’ from “Kill the Hippies” (with lines like “Kill ’em cuz you don’t like what they wear/Kill ’em cuz their stink fouls up the air”) to “Another Dead Republican” (“Another dead retard/Nazi God-Fearing Slime/Only sure way to kill ’em/And that’s one at a time”), one can’t help but realize that, as always, no one is safe from the hate harpoons hurled by Tesco.
It ain’t just the words that make this album an obvious must-get, the new line-up of “foxy twenty-something rage kings” belt out the rhythms with an intensity that can easily drive ya into a fit of swingin’ psychotic behavior that’d make even G. Gordon Liddy squeal like a pig.
But don’t just take Crevanator’s word for it, Joe King of the Queers, upon hearing the news of Tesco’s reincarnation, said, “Fuckin’ cool” (an unusually emotional response), and El Flaccido, lead singer of The Poncherellos, began leapin’ around the bar, swillin’ Black Label and screamin’ the lyrics to the Meatmen classic, “Tooling for Anus.”
Watch for an exclusive party saga wit’ Duke Crevanator and Mr. Vee tearin’ up the town on a Gonzo-fed trail of terror that will end only when all of us have been arrested. There’ll be many Tescoisms, photos, and info on how to donate money . Keep rockin’ punk fans, and Hippies Beware! And always remember this: “No One Cheats Tesco Vee!” Ya better believe it, Buddy.
