Kiss – MTV Unplugged – Review

Kiss

MTV Unplugged (Mercury)
by Jon Sarre

Even though it’s one of the most reviled occupations in the arts world (running a close second to kiddie pornographer, I guess), I’ve always wanted to be a rock critic… well, a paid rock critic. Honestly, getting paid to write record reviews and the like would pretty much be the end-all job for me. It’s almost like not being employed at all. Hell, I don’t even have to mention the obvious perks – free records, guest list privileges, and the thrill of having commercially successful rock musicians refer to me as a “gutless asshole weasel.” However, the pitfalls of writing for such publications as Rolling Stone or Spin become apparent when I find records like Kiss Unplugged in my mailbox. Now, if my name were Dave Marsh or Bob Christgau, I’d have to either slobber all over this media “event,” or critique it negatively due to the fact that this is a transparent attempt on the band’s part at cashing in on some kind of nostalgia wave. Luckily, I’m not one of those income-earning rock critics. Equally fortunate, my editor is not Jann Wenner or Bob Guccione Jr. (or even Bob Guccione Sr.) and my directive for this piece was limited to a cryptic “Heh, heh…” Hey, sometimes working for free absolves one of journalistic responsibility.

That’s what this whole Kiss thing boils down to anyway – money. KISS was one big cash-flow juggernaut. They staged bread-and-circus-style spectacles to bilk millions of suckers out of their allowances and then forced said suckers to steal from Mom’s purse to buy the seemingly limitless supply of Kiss-licensed merchandise: T-shirts, toys, lunch boxes, breakfast drinks, chewing tobacco, whatever. Now, both the band and their Consumerism As Art shit is back. I hear they’re even gonna tour again with make-up (I smell pay-per-view)! Choke on it suckers, because they’ll be laughin’ all the way to Betty Ford.