Nirvana

From the Muddy Banks of the Wishkah (DGC)
by Skippy Rainey

I don’t know why they gave me this disc – I know nothing about these guys. The best I’ve been able to figure is that they’re some kind of Foo Fighters spinoff band. I’ve asked all of the cool, happening dudes I know, the ones who listen to all the cutting-edge bands like Blues Traveler, and most of them just looked at me funny. A couple of girls cried; one hit me. The only proper response I got was from my buddy, Buddy, who said “When they told the lead singer about ‘rock ‘n’ roll,’ he thought they said ‘lock ‘n’ load.'” He laughed. I did too. I have no idea what he meant.

I can’t make heads or feet of this CD. Like the title – wasn’t Muddy Banks that great Chicago blues musician who later gave up music and played for the Cubs? What does he have to do with this? And Wishkah, that was that movie with Warren Beatty, Dustin Hoffman, and that blind camel in the desert, right? That movie was real funny. But I don’t understand how either of them relates to this. Maybe they’re being ionic or something.
Okay, Rex told me I had to listen to this so I could write about it, and he knows more about this rock criticism thing than I do, so I did what I was told. First of all, the opening number, “Intro,” is really disappointing. Why they used it as their first song is beyond me – it doesn’t even sound like music! I mean, I guess these guys are supposed to be advent guard and stuff, but it just sounds like a bunch of guys tuning up their instruments, talking to each other, and screaming real loud. That’s just wrong. Maybe that’s what that Phonic Youth band that my big brother listens to all the time sounds like.

After that, I don’t know. This is a live album, right? So where’s all the really neat banter between songs? Not once do I hear this Curt Kobain character say anything cool like “Are you ready to rock, northwestern New Jersey?” or “This song goes out to all the lovers in Bosnia.” I guess he just prefers not to shoot his mouth off. Still, it might have distracted me from the music, which is obviously just a Bush ripoff. These guys should be ashamed. I suppose now they’ll get that Steve L. Beanie dude to produce their next album. I hope that doesn’t make Gavin mad.

Besides that, I can’t understand a word of it, except when that guy’s singing all that sick stuff about laying on top of a parrot and not giving her a cracker or refilling her water bottle. He’d better watch it or the ASPCA’s gonna be after him. Doesn’t he have any brains in his head? But I have to admit, some of it kinda rocks. I really liked their cover of “More Than A Feeling,” even though I can’t find it listed anywhere on the CD and they get all the words wrong. You don’t screw with Boston, man! Pardon my French. Never mind, I’m sure these guys are just starting out, still learning to play and all that stuff, so if we give them a chance and they keep their heads, they may yet amount to something. They’re no Dave Matthews Band, but that’s a lot to ask of anybody. And somebody ought to buy them some nice clothes and get them to wash once in a while – they’ll never make it looking so grungy as that.