Ferd Mert

All This and Morons (Two-O-Six)
by Scott Hefflon

Remember the early Screeching Weasel records with the track listings crammed into tiny type so they’d fit from top to bottom? Ferd Mert sure as hell do. They’ve got 37 punk ditties on All This And Morons. Complaining about winters in Minnesota, underage chicks, Elvis, punching a clock, Atari 2600 games, chicks in flannel, boredom, money, liars, drag racing, and poop, Ferd Mert are kind enough to print all the lyrics to every song so y’all can sing along. Covers of Elvis’ “Death Of Us” and J. Geils Band’s “Centerfold” sound as if they’d be pick hit, soon-to-be-classic overplayed punk anthems to rally ’round, but they aren’t. FM’s originals are much better. While I hesitate to use the words “quirky” and “hilarious” because it’d make me sound like one of them quote-seekers on movie posters. (“Riveting!” says Billy Boner of the Chicago Suck Nut ,”Wow!” says Fenny Farfig-Newton of WANK TV, “Two Thumbs, Monkeyboys! It’s all that separates you chumps from chimps!” say Cisco and Dilbert of Opposable Thumbs .) All This And Morons opens with “Hey,” whose lyrical content is “Hey!” shouted twelve times, with rampaging drums which sound like the earnest thumpings of two pencils on a cardboard box. “H.E. Double Hockey Sticks” begins with a Screeching Weaselish guitar riff, then the peppy, under-produced punkpop takes over with a vengeance, sneering its way through song after song, topic after topic, the way a punk album should. Ferd Mert’s got the melodies, the humor (without being a novelty gimmick), and the pace to keep you listening even though the songs blend together after a while and ya gotta keep checking the track numbers to see where the hell you are.