Count Zero

Affluenza
by Steve Tremain

Sigh. So they’re getting the big stink around town. So he used to be part of Think Tree, Bongo Fury, et al. So they’re supposed to be “bridging the gap between electronica and rock” (so says the press kit). Uh… no.

Count Zero is, to be blunt, a pandering assemblage of Chili Peppers funk beats with a glossy sheen of guitars and a few electronic special effects sprinkled over the top. Get baked and season with copious amounts of hype. And there you have it, Local Scenester Cred Pie! To be fair, Affluenza has some cool elements, like the odd times of “Chaos” and “Motorcade,” but so much of it sounds like a chronically white boy trying to blend art post-punk with Stevie Wonder. That might not be so bad, but I remember Peter Moore’s non-sequitur babbling spoken word rants in his previous bands, and it’s hard not to shed a small tear for another talent lost to mediocrity. Even the bleeping and blurting of “Free Man In Paris” can’t save it from itself.

Maybe I’m having such a problem with Affluenza because it’s so close. It almost escapes the gravity well of suck, but all it takes is one cheese-out like “This Gadfly,” or some similar bit of expected slickness, and the whole thing goes tumbling back down. “Dizzy” has an interesting chorus, and a few guitar lines that pierce through the fog, but it all sinks back into the miasma when the verse starts up again.

And since when do a few computer loops constitute a “bridge between electronica and rock”? I see no bridge, maybe a pile of stepping stones, and almost certainly a day trip into electronica, but most certainly Count Zero is a rock band. It’s like saying Living Color were masters at using samplers in rock music because of “Cult of Personality.” Sure, they’re the toast of the town these days, but let’s see how they hold up in a year. By the way, if you really want to hear what a bridge between rock and electronica sounds like, check out Splashdown’s Stars and Garters.