Armageddon – Review

Armageddon

with Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, Ben Affeck
Directed by Michael Bay
Written by Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams (Touchstone)
by Michael McCarthy

In theory, any film bearing the slogan “a Jerry Bruckheimer production” is essentially guaranteed to please the general, ignorant viewing public while simultaneously making the informed, more cerebral audience, such as those who read Lollipop, cringe, if not actually vomit. Make no mistake about it, Bruckheimer’s name has become so well-known that many people are incorrectly calling his latest production, Armageddon, a Jerry Bruckheimer film. In actuality, it’s a Michael Bay film, Bay being the director who helmed Bad Boys and The Rock, two other Bruckheimer productions. Then again, if the fact that Bruckheimer has produced his three films doesn’t qualify Bay for the label “a Jerry Bruckheimer director” then nothing does. Except, well, the fact that they’re all the sort of mostly brainless blockbusters Bruckheimer has been producing for years. Hmm… I guess Armageddon really is a Bruckheimer film. That’s probably a good thing for Bay anyway, because people have been wondering if he’s the devil himself, while anyone with half a brain should have sense enough to realize Bruckheimer is the devil. Not that being the devil is such a bad thing. Not when it comes to movies. Not if they’re done right, anyway. And Bruckheimer’s productions usually are. Sure, they’re contrived and shallow and over the top, but they’re also damn fun if you don’t sit there and overly critique them. I’ll take The Rock and Con Air over ID4 and Godzilla any day. The Rock and Con Air know damn well they’re cotton candy. They’re sugar-coated on purpose, just sweet enough that you want more, but not so sweet that they induce vomiting (again, if you don’t overly critique them). As for ID4 and Godzilla, well, you really don’t want to hear a description of my puke, do you? Honestly, I wouldn’t even call them sugar-coated. They’re just shit.

Getting to my actual Armageddon review, Bruce Willis is oil driller Harry S. Stamper. He talks with a southern drawl and commands a group of stereotypical hard-working men. The sort who might not be too bright, but have hearts of gold. While he may be the authority figure and a few degrees smarter, Harry isn’t much different from the men he commands. And he knows it. When NASA’s Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) approaches him about the Texas-sized asteroid heading straight for Earth and the need for his help, Harry wants to know what the backup plan is. He knows he isn’t cut out for saving the globe. However, when he realizes he’s the best there is for what needs to be done (drilling), he proudly volunteers. Ben Affleck is A.J. Frost, a wise-cracking young man who’s been working for Harry for years and, more recently, copulating with Harry’s daughter Grace (Liv Tyler). Minutes into the film, Harry finds Grace in A.J.’s bed and grabs the nearest shotgun. Bang, he shoots! And he shoots again! But he doesn’t kill him. Because he loves him like a son, despite his present rage. It’s a good thing, too, because minutes later Harry needs A.J. to be his right hand man on this drill mission to save the world. Putting their dispute over Grace aside, they train and venture into space with their fellow drillers, including the perverse Rockhound (Steve Buscemi), dopey Bear (Michael Duncan), and a handful of NASA professionals.

These characters are stereotypical, no doubt about it, but stereotypes wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the simple fact that, well, they exist. We’re all individuals, sure, but most of us can be categorized on the surface. While the film doesn’t dare dig through the surface of characters like Peter Stormare’s Russian astronaut Lev Andropov – a character that makes the film seem a bit xenophobic – it does effectively establish them as likable, enjoyable characters whom we’re genuinely concerned for. More importantly, the film effectively fleshes out Harry and A.J. as three dimensional characters. Their pseudo father-and-son relationship isn’t ground-breaking, or even mildly original, but the characters do ultimately come across as more than stereotypes. Much more. The writing has a bit to do with it, but this film had so many writers, I wouldn’t know who to credit for that. Accordingly, I’m going to give the kudos to Affleck and Willis. During one scene, in which A.J. tells Harry he loves him, I actually got teary-eyed. Some folks will damn the film for this, saying that it’s manipulative and all sorts of vicious things about how Bruckheimer and company aren’t allowed to do that sort of thing. And why will they say this? Because they’re embarrassed to cry at an action movie, that’s why! Seriously, if an emotional scene is well-executed and performed and can effect the viewer strongly, who gives a damn if it’s within Titanic or Armageddon – it’s still a good scene, is it not? In that regard, I wonder if some people will be angered because they’re upset that they were forced to respond to, and sort of like, something about a Bruckheimer film? Just as a homophobic man who finds himself befriending a gay man may force himself to become more homophobic as a result, blockbusterphobic people may see Armageddon with plans to trash it in chit-chat later and become overly critical in response to the fact that they’re actually touched by certain moments. Bad correlation, I know, but you get the point.

To speak of the devil’s director, I was a bit disappointed with Bay’s direction this time around. He had a lot to juggle, I know, but… there were a few too many close-ups for me. The performances made us care about the characters enough that we didn’t need to have the screen filled with Liv Tyler’s pretty face every three minutes to remind us that she was there and in danger. Such framing and editing is manipulative filmmaking. What is not is an emotionally-charged scene that brings on the tears! (Unless it’s when Meg Ryan meets her death in City of Angels!) And because the film in whole is fully suspenseful, captivating and, yes, emotional, that sort of editing lab trickery sticks out like a piece of asteroid debris demolishing Paris. At least upon second view. The first time I saw Armageddon, I didn’t notice the glut of close shots and often too-quick-for-MTV editing, but it really annoyed me when I went back to take a more critical look at it. Of course, that says something positive about the film right there. If you have to go see it a second time to start finding fault, well, the filmmakers have done their job well. Bravo.