REO Speedealer

(Royalty)
by Chaz Thorndike

Ever wondered what Motörhead woulda sounded like if they’d kept their foot to the floor and not gone the route of Alice Cooper circa Trash and Hey Stoopid (perhaps earlier, I wasn’t really paying attention)? Do you miss the violently cranked up (both in volume and on volumes of the drug) early daze of Clutch? REO Speedealer may as well be screaming “Bring it on, motherfucker, let’s throw down!” for the 15 songs crammed on this 20-minute disc. While I’ve yet to isolate any lyrics that capture the demented, aggressive poetry of early Clutch (before they quit bingeing on tequila if I read last issue’s interview right), I got time, baby. I’ll be listening to this sucker for a long time to come, and heaven help the fucker who disturbs me while I am. This is music to throw your landlord out the window to, to get your mouthy-ass self in bad spots in bars to, to never listen to when your “better half” wants to spend quality time together. One of the few mid-tempo tunes reminds me of classic strut songs ya got runnin’ through yer head while cruisin’ the mall, club, or wherever it is you go. While in my day (yeah, fuck you) we had “Ten Seconds to Love” or anything off the first Mötley Crüe record, later “Youth Gone Wild” were stuck with that song and other pale imitations, today’s youth are fortunate enough to get “Pussy.” It only lasts a minute and a half, but then, so do most of you. With songs titled “Double Clutchin’ Finger Fuckin’,” “Cocaine Dave,” “Pig Fucker,” “Move It or Lose It,” “Crank Bait,” and “Ain’t Fuckin’ Around,” you get the idea these Texan ball-busters ain’t here to make friends, get girls gooey, or win humanitarian awards, they’re here to rock your ass to smithereens. And that they do. If you’re a fan a hard-drinkin’, hard-living, swashbucklin’, fuck-yer-ass-up rock’n’fuckin’roll like Nashville Pussy, Zeke, and the new school of gritty, nut-bustin’ hoodlums comin’ out these days, you’ll like REO Speedealer.
(176 Madison Ave. New York, NY 10016)