Doctor Explosion

The Subnormal Revolution (Get Hip)
by Jon Sarre

International trade experts often fret that the European Union is gonna be a serious economic rival to the good ol’ U.S. of A. Sure, that’s important, I guess, but I’m not losin’ any sleep over it. What really bugs me though, music fans, is that we’re losing our fookin’ rock’n’roll edge to these people! It’s not Limeys anymore, either (they rock almost as infrequently as us these days); it’s the Europeans we haven’t even worried about like the Portuguese, the Swedes, the Italians, hell, the fuckin’ French have got a band (Thundercrack) that sounds like they grew up barefoot and drunk on cornmash in the alley behind CBGB’s, f’chrissakes!

Now there’s these maniacs from Spain to contend with. Doctor Explosion, as they refer to the vehicle which allows ’em to rip off riffs from surf unknowns or the Blues Magoos and the Music Explosion while laughing like psychotic alcoholic bullfighters and generally oh mau mau all their way to the rehab center, is yet another example of the mounting rock deficit! Time to write your congressman, demand a trade embargo before it’s too late! Pass a bill which prohibits the Oblivians, the Spider Babies, and their ilk from touring Europe and showcasing their talents so greedy Continentals can treat ’em well and pay ’em and otherwise gain their trust in order to steal their secrets so they can sell ’em back to us rock’n’roll-deprived masses. To hell with Belgrade! It’s high time we lit up Madrid with a few cruise missiles! God bless and buy American!
(PO Box 666 Canonsburg, PA 15317)