Wicked Wonderland (JLRG Entertainment)
by Mike Delano
Six things we learned while listening to Wicked Wonderland, Lita Ford‘s “comeback” album after an extended hiatus:
1) Lita is so irresistible that you’ll want to grope her, but that will only get you your ass beaten by her “man,” who is tall and tattooed (“Piece (Hell Yeah)”).
2) Lita wants you to use a steel dildo on her, preferably the one she calls out by brand name three times (NJoy) (“Love”).
3) Lita has forgotten how to write good songs and good riffs (all songs).
4) America is great (“firecracker poppin’ on the 4th of July/ wet t-shirt beauty queen/ sweet as apple pie”) (“Patriotic S.O.B.”).
5) Bring a towel (“gimme your nectar big daddy just right”) (“Love”).
6) America is really great (“I’m surfin’ the Net, baby/ lookin’ for some porn/ we can do that here – the best place to be born”) (“Patriotic S.O.B.”).