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Columns/Fiction

A Valentine’s Message – Fiction

February 1, 1995

All you single women out there are absolutely cool as shit, and most of you [heterosexual] single men are stone-cold petrified by that.

Coroner’s Corner – Column

February 1, 1995

Aaahhh… The season for love. The non-frozen birds are singing and sweethearts are exchanging gifts. So, let’s talk evisceration.

Prelude to a Lick – Column

February 1, 1995

I’ll be here til the supernova. When I burn-out, I’ll submit love poetry about flowers and shit to the wanker lit. journals from my lean-to in the mountains.

Graffic Traffic – Column

February 1, 1995

There’s Steve Bissette’s Tyrant. Set in the Cretaceous period, it gives an up-to-your-neck-in-flies-and-filth look at life and times in that era.

Write about Love – Fiction

February 1, 1995

It makes people feel funny, stupid, and important. Much the way large quantities of liquor make people feel. Only instead of puking, you (hopefully) get laid.

The Diamond Rams Club – Fiction

February 1, 1995

“If you’re ever in trouble, call that number,” he said. With his Spanish, it came out as “If you turn left at the chicken babies, then I wanted to dance.”

The Culture Bunker – Fiction

February 1, 1995

Things are looking bleak: Murder, suicide, fires, floods, and that seven-headed serpent that’s been outside my window singing the complete score from Showboat.

Mate, Spawn, And Die – Fiction

February 1, 1995

Valentine’s Day is mating season, a thinly-veiled lie that hides the urge to copulate. A mating ritual passed down through the ages like a genetic disease.

The Culture Bunker – Fiction

December 1, 1994

The new issue of Revolve features a cover story on Vermont rap sensation LL Cool Bean, and an interview with Church of Tim Conway founder Hervé Fernandez-Dorf.

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