Issue 59 – Lollipop Magazine

Recent

[ November 9, 2026 ] Cloak to Release New Album Feb 2027 + 2026 Tour Dates – News News
[ November 6, 2026 ] Staind Share “Ghosts” and 2027 Tour Dates with Seether, Hoobastank, and Hinder – News News
[ November 4, 2026 ] I Prevail announce 2027 Tour Dates supporting Three Days Grace – News News
[ November 2, 2026 ] Nile and Coroner Announce Spring 2027 Tour – News News
[ October 30, 2026 ] A Perfect Circle Release “To Whom It May Concern” and Announce 2027 Tour – News News
[ October 28, 2026 ] Darkest Hour Announce New Single “Warrior” and 2026 Tour Dates – News News
[ October 26, 2026 ] Alice Cooper’s “Devil On My Shoulder” Memoir Is An International Best-Seller – News News
[ October 23, 2026 ] Hippie Death Cult Drops New Single + US Tour Dates with COC & The Sword – News News
[ October 22, 2026 ] Kontusion Announces 2026 East Coast Tour MMXXVI with Hedonist – News News
[ October 21, 2026 ] As I Lay Dying Announce Self-Titled Album and 2026-2027 Tour Dates – News News

It finally hit them just before it hit them that when I yelled "Take your demo and get the fuck off my property or I'll dump boiling oil on your heads" that I wasn't kidding.

Sure, it wasn't the weight of the world on his shoulders, but it was a bridge and at least part of a city, and that's kind of a lot.

It was only a matter of time until Jim went solo. Not only were his bandmates not very good musicians, they just weren't focused.

Burzum is the Norwegian black metal/dark ambient band consisting of Varg Vikernes Count Grishnackh, incarcerated for killing Mayhem drummer Euronymous. Barium are dopey kids who probably don't know what that means, so they can stay in that little room until they realize that nu metal sucks ass and has no roots and should call itself metalcore or boring hardcore with expensive production or whatever it wants, as long as it does so far away from me.

To this day, the photographer wonders if Jim was gesturing "God does my band suck. Please kill me now" or simply drawing attention to his stupid haircut.

Major labels mad race to sign the cutest young bands is really getting out of hand.

Hell, I thought she'd be impressed I could play most of "Come Sail Away" with my hand in my armpit. Even the long, high notes.

Jack Russell, former lead singer of Great White, has a solo record out. Some jokes write themselves.

The Get Ups Kids can hang out in the library all they want, I'll still cough "yourbandsucks" until security drags me away.

While ratty old punk concert shirts are still cooler, I prefer this D.I.Y. style to the little shithead emo kids wearing vintage "metal" as in, like Motley Crue shirts without owning any of their records. Little posers.

Realizing the angry mob just wasn't listening, Free Cake and Pie vowed to change their name. Hint: Joshua Tree Stump is still available, fellas.

Watergate Audio Service never played a gig, but their loops of moronic "man on the street" statements were priceless.

While Larry Lightyear's band, Samson Sure Was Strong, was terrible, there was something about the guy.

"Yeah, the bands name is Fall and Cry, why don't you get up and say that's a sissy name again, punk?"

To top even the whiniest of emo of bands, Red Animal War often includes the yelping, baying, yipping, and pathetic howling of a small dog.

The Abbey Road photo idea is usually best not attempted on blind corners.

Lemme guess, they're a metal band?

A rare occasion when I'm glad MTV doesn't play rock videos anymore.

The next year, a different yearbook photographer was hired.

A rare photo of Eminem with his trap shut.

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