Lollipop Magazine

Eat, Drink, Sing, Wipe – Fiction

January 1, 2000

“Grak, me get bluebird mating call stuck in head again.” And Grak, having found himself absently humming bluebird songs to himself, understands.

This is My Photo Finish – Fiction

September 1, 1999

I was immediately sorry that I had indulged a tarot reading the night before. I wasn’t superstitious; I just didn’t like opening unnecessary gates. You never know what you might let in.

The Lonelies – Part Three – Fiction

September 1, 1999

He scanned the few customers at Abraham’s (just keep thinking of Winona, he told himself, keep thinking of those eyes…), looking for Jonah.

AmeriMart – The Conclusion – Fiction

September 1, 1999

The woman seemed to approve, shrugging to her bodyguard before tucking the check into her purse – a signal which Pat took to be his chance to leave with facial impunity.

Hooray for Everything! – Fiction

September 1, 1999

“I am intelligent, a person of deep ideas, and therefore I enjoy Pavement,” we told ourselves. Alas, we can fool ourselves no longer.

The Other Y2K Problem – Fiction

June 1, 1999

Economists and world leaders are finally waking up to the fact that the horse lodging industry is lagging about 4,000 years behind where it should be.

The Lonelies – Part Two – Fiction

June 1, 1999

As Will hurried through the dark, freezing streets, he thought about the plan: Get the hell out of this town, marry Winona Ryder, and live happily ever after. All he had to do was write a book…

Performance Anxiety – Fiction

June 1, 1999

I enjoyed all three shows, but came out of two annoyed by the actions of the performers – not because I didn’t like their acts, but by other stuff they did.

It Won’t Happen Again – Fiction

June 1, 1999

I have no idea why they call it blue balls. They should call it the icy hand of incompetence and incompleteness gripping your testicles. Blue balls is shorter.

Don’t Call Me Chief – Fiction

June 1, 1999

Life as a shortie shouldn’t be so rough. I was the naive kid who didn’t know he was a year too old to be wearing Underoos (hey, they were fun to wear).