Tribute to Kurt Cobain

by J. Hazard Fitch

The thing about Cobain killing himself was that it was the first time in my life that I was really affected by the death of someone I didn’t know. I still have people saying, “Oh, so you were a big fan of Nirvana’s then?” But I wasn’t. I had one CD, In Utero, which I didn’t and still don’t like all that much. For me it was a matter of being amused by the guy. I was always amused, if I happened to catch anything on Kurt Cobain through the television.

The first time I saw Nirvana, they were guests on Headbanger’s Ball. It was just Cobain and Chris Novaselic (I think they were between drummers). Novaselic did all the talking. Cobain was got up in a yellow duck suit that exposed only his face which scowled in most un-duck-like fashion. I thought to myself, This guy is funny.

I’ve never reacted to anyone’s death in the news like I did to this one. For some reason, it was important to me to be in Seattle. Heretofore, what did I care about Seattle? Nothing. But in a moment, at the word, that was where I wanted to be.

I thought about it for about a day. Then late on that Saturday, after getting home from a bar, I decided I would just go. I woke up my brother and told him to tell everyone I was just sick. I packed a bag and a suit and left. It was raining that weekend, you recall. I slept in the parking lot of a McDonald’s in Fishkill, New York. The next day, somewhere in Pennsylvania, I called my boss and told him what I was doing. He said it was OK to take the time but that he didn’t think it was really a good idea. “What, were you like a big fan of theirs?”

I actually thought it would be a good time when I got out there. I figured I’d be crashing at some beautiful fan’s house and making it to Nevermind. This was when I weighed 187 pounds and bench-pressed my own weight every day. It was going to be just like that. I was sure of it.

But not. Somewhere between Dubois, PA and the Ohio state line all my gauges went dead and I had to hitch a ride to a Wal-Mart and buy a new battery for $70. At this point, I just didn’t want to go anymore. The urge left me just as suddenly as it had come on. So I turned around.

And it rained the whole way back.