Lyres
at the Baystate Hotel
by John Sarre
My Aching Head or How I Found My Sobriety in the Form of a Lyres Review
Detoxification is surely an underrated concept, only thing is, how do you have fun afterwards? What do you do? Take up stock car racing? Model railroading? Golf? Maybe I shoulda asked Jeff “Mono-Man” Conolly, Lyres frontman, and ex-drunk, only I was far too wasted to carry on a conversation. I coulda given Jeff a contact high which, far as I can see, is probably what all ex-drunks want, ‘cos they really can’t ingest alcohol or narcotics anymore, can they? Why the hell else would someone want to hang out in a smokey bar?
But I didn’t do that. I do, however, have a vague recollection of telling the drummer for the opening band, Apples in Stereo, that she did real good. I hope she didn’t take it the wrong way, cos she was a great drummer for a so-so band that kinda sounded like New Radiant Storm King (a W. Mass reference, sorta like a rip-off of pre-Slanted and Enhanced-era Pavement with about half the good ideas).
Oh yeah, the Lyres played. Since they appear pretty sober these days, you don’t often see their legendary “bad shows” during which they’d torture small children and break Charlie Manson out of the slammer (actually I figure they just stumbled around the stage blind drunk). That sorta bad taste stuff was left to the audience (well, me, anyway) as the band ran through a knock-you-flat-on-yer-ass (or fall into the gutter) set of golden oldies classics like “Help You Ann,” “Don’t Give Up Now,” and a bunch of others my beer-addled brain can’t dredge up at the moment (even Mono-Man hinted that they all kinda sound similar).
Even at the staid Baystate Hotel, where most people are too cool to move, they were hot footin’ it around the carpeted floor. Yeah, they were cuttin’ up the rug. Hell, one or two were even smilin’ and havin’ a good time! Social event of the season it was, until the bartender put those mean, evil house lights on. That spooked the hell out of my chemically-shot head. The Lyres, however, didn’t stop. They kept playin’ and playin’ and playin’, in fact, I thought I might go back the next day and still find ’em playin’ and see the same amphetamine-crazed fools dancin’. No such luck. Sometime after the lights came on, they stopped. Life’s like that. At least I didn’t fall down on the walk home. I’m never drinking again, for at least a couple of days.
