The C*nts

A Secret History of The C*nts (Disturbing)
by Jon Sarre

Since the run for this disc is limited by the band to only 1000 copies, A Secret History of The C*nts (the very, very DIY-down to the handmade or maybe Kinko’s,-made covers) may be damn-near impossible to track down (it probably won’t even be in the really “with it” Towers across the galaxy). Presumably, The C*unts never existed to be stuck in heavy rotation or on posters in K-Mart, which explains why you’ve probably never heard of ’em, despite their near two-decade career. Of course, that type of behavior is positively anti-rock, dude, and, furthermore, these guys must’ve been nuts, but who am I to question why anybody’d take the time to plug in a guitar without visions of groupies dancin’ in their heads?

All whys aside, A Secret History of the C*nts is a twenty-one track retrospective culled from the band’s five LPs. Essentially, these guys did an Anglophile punk take on ’60s garage-rock flavored with a sorta pissed-off working class mindset which probably grew up from their roots in crumblin’ industrial Chicago. They weren’t as focused or “punk” as contemporaries like Naked Raygun and, cuz of that, lotsa songs on this record come off as too long (not like four or five minutes, or anything, but when a two-and-a-half minute song seems too long, well, ya know what I mean…). Earlier material like “Chemicals in the Mail” (off their ’78 to ’88 comp Decade of Fun, released in 1988), “Apocalypse Breakfast” and “C*nts Theme” (both from 1984’s It Came From the Garage) stands out more than the ’90s stuff, like the goofy psychobilly of “There’s a Monster Head on My Baby” or the Crampisms of “Midnight Party.” Interested parties oughtta check out their local better record stores for the C*nts stuff, or better yet, write the label. Ya never know, they seem like reasonable people.