D.O.A – Festival of Atheists – Review

D.O.A.

Festival of Atheists (Sudden Death)
by Jon Sarre

Please shut up! It’s been 20 years, Joey, nobody fuckin’ cares! Nobody’s fuckin’ listenin’ to you! Those misty-eyed punkers with Canadian flags pinned to their dirty sleeveless denim jackets just wanna hear “The Prisoner” one more time! They’re not showin’ up to hear you do yer Don Quixote imitation (“Yeah, this record’s really gonna stick it to Nike, give ’em the lumber!”). One more time, one more show, one more song, less interestin’ than the one which preceded it, another shit record, fuck you! Retire! Christ, take the fuckin’ hint and PLEASE JUST DIE!!!

At this point, anything DOA has to say about anything irritates me almost to where I wanna listen to Rush Limbaugh, buy Exxon stock, urge my Congressman to declare war on Canada, in short, support anything Joey “Shithead” Keithley and his dead-on-arrival band dedicates another fuckin’ benefit album to. I’m fuckin’ sick and tired of bein’ beat over the head for bein’ an American by self-righteous Canucks (I mean, if there were any people more deservin’ than Canadians to be tagged “American-Lite,” they haven’t been discovered). Not only that, Keithley’s hardcore-riffs-slowed-down-for-old-tired-legs has just about as much life as the NHL Old-Timer’s Game.

The years and beers have whittled DOA down to the point of self-parody, punk rock senility, whatever ya wanna call it. When a full-on “Steppin’ Stone” plagiarism (“Worlds Fall Apart”) is about as lively as this hunk of fat bacon gets, than retirement simply isn’t an option, it oughtta be fuckin’ mandatory! Not too long ago, I ran into Keithley before a DOA gig and told him how much I liked his band when I was like 16. He told me I should check out the new stuff and man, it was hard to keep a straight face. Now I have, and all I can say is Ross Perot was absolutely right. NAFTA is a bad idea.
(Sudden Death Moscrop PO Box #43001 Burnaby, BC Canada V5G3H0)