Metal Rules!

Issue #15 $5
by Scott Hefflon

I’ve always liked Metal Rules! Run by metal doods with a self-deprecating sense of humor, unlike Brave Words & Bloody Knuckles (www.bwbk.com and www.bravewords.com), the Simpsons comic book collector of metal mags, or The Grimoire of Exalted Deeds (now simply called The Grimoire, evidently; I haven’t seen a copy in years. www.thegrimoire.com), who live up to their slogan of “A Death Metal Magazine for Assholes… Written by Assholes.” Metal Rules! covers cool, underground metal (God Forbid, Diecast, Shadows Fall, Bathory), always a few nostalgic metal treats (Wasp, Dokken, or Winger or some shit), and they break out of the “I don’t like anything that’s not metal” death trap by covering celebrities like Jason Mewes (Jay of Jay & Silent Bob), Steve Guttenberg, Julie Strain, Gary Busey, Jim Breuer, Cory Feldman, and Barry Williams (aka Greg Brady).

At over 100 pages (bleached newsprint with a glossy cover), each issue is jam-packed with tons of reviews and long features (Julie Strain, for instance, is 15 pages with lots of sexy photos). But my favorite things about the mag are Publisher Jeff Rappaport’s personal photos and the silly thought bubbles and captions on both his photos and the promo shots. I mean, what other metal mag has the humor to show the Publisher’s high school photos, shots with his family and friends, blowing out birthday candles or dressing silly for Halloween? It takes courage to poke fun at yourself like that… Thanks for showing us not all metal doods are shaggy, slouching dumbasses or scrawny, introverted geeks the jocks’d pick on if they weren’t kinda afraid they’d go Columbine on their asses (not that most of the jocks could spell Columbine), that metal fans can be pudgy, middle-aged suburban dads, appreciate a good laugh, have interests other than metal, and that they have “embarrassing” childhood snapshots playing cowboy like the rest of us.
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