by Nairobi Collins
In keeping with things unusual for hip rockers and metalhedz, we have thinkgeek.com. This website offers all the products you’ll ever need to live a proper reclusive and frighteningly abnormal lifestyle. You can buy mini humanoid robots to serve your tiny needs, caffeinated soap for when those cold showers aren’t enough to jolt you into awareness after 36 hours of watching tentacle sex, gadgets galore for enhancing pretty much anything, and best of all, hyper-caffeinated drinks by the case!
An hour or so on this website will drain the money from your pockets and the color from your skin. I felt geeky the moment I realized that rather than turning away in cool-guy revulsion, I was actually wondering what it was like to rub my tired, naked body with a bar of pure caffeine. Why just drink it when you can lather with it! This site even has hyper-caffeinated hot sauce! Star Wars light sabers, plasma mugs, nerdy computer geek t-shirts galore, and best of all, a James fuckin’ Bond spy camera lighter! Just imagine; you reach over to light that hot chick’s cigarette, and real cool-like, you snap a picture of her cleavage! On the way back to the pocket, check for a skirt and snap away! Oh, I am a sick geek!