Beautiful Creatures

(Warner Bros.)
by Scott Hefflon

Sounds like Bang Tango, only a lot heavier. Bang Tango was a glam band in the death throes of that (bowel) movement, but they rocked loud’n’rude and had some darkness amidst the neon lights and women’s clothing. I think one of the guys is in The Newlydeads, and they’re, well, contemporary, though not especially good. I hear Beautiful Creatures had a song in Valentine, which I seem to recall was one of the filler teen horror thingies that made Disturbing Behavior look like a good flick, if ya know what I mean. And while “Wasted” and a few other tracks off this self-titled record stroke it well – heavy, pounding beats and Buckcherry-ish singing (can’t believe I’m now using those twits as a reference point) – I’m always kinda waiting for a cover of “Youth Gone Wild” or something to sneak its way in. Shiver.

Dear God, there’s even a power ballad called “New Orleans” on this fucker, slithering like a Slash solo, scratchy-voiced like… hell, I’m luckily blanking on most of my extensive gutter glam knowledge (whew! Alcohol abuse has its payoff after all!). A good band for anyone who can’t get into the dumbed-down tunelessness of most nü metal, but also thinks Creed and their “hard alternative” ilk are a bunch of softcore pussies and what we need are more good ol’ dangerous fuckin’ bands like G’N’R and shit like that to slap these arrogant little dipshit indie kids around and teach ’em what Rock really means.