Lollipop Magazine

March of the Lemmings – Fiction

December 1, 1996

The first few strains of The Macarena conjure up repellent images of faceless millions gyrating about like people attempting sign language after free-basing.

Muffled Screams – Fiction

December 1, 1996

We borrowed the car of our hapless distribution guy, a putz puttering his way through life in a 1990 Hyundai that was about as muffled as Courtney Love’s mouth

The Culture Bunker – 23 Short Columns About Filling Magazine Space – Fiction

December 1, 1996

While you’re reading this sentence, Cubans are rummaging through your closets and loosening the buttons on your favorite shirt just to fuck with you.

Blackout Rationalizations – Fiction

November 1, 1996

I often don’t remember the exact unmentionable of which I’m accused, but I base how much credibility I give the alleged incident on Is it in my character?

Bob Crane: Velvet Prisoner – Fiction

November 1, 1996

Bob Crane, star of the ’60s sitcom, Hogan’s Heroes, was found bludgeoned in a Phoenix, Arizona hotel room in 1978. The case has defied definitive solution.

Nicotine Achievers – Fiction

November 1, 1996

I’m not giving up my love affair with Lady Nicotine. We’re just heading out of Marlboro Country and, chomp chomp chomp, checking in to the ol’ Nicorette Motel.

Norman Rockwell vs Iggy Pop – Fiction

November 1, 1996

Like every Tuesday lunchbreak, I head to Harvard Square to check out the new releases at Newbury Comics and scan the English music papers at Out of Town News.

The Culture Bunker – If The Benefits, Wear It – Fiction

November 1, 1996

I was line-dancing to techno, starting a one-man mosh pit, doing the Bulgarian Hustle… I was out of control. Guys in Morrissey shirts beat the crap out of me.

Corn Syrup – Fiction

October 1, 1996

Corn Syrup is in EVERYTHING! It knows no political boundaries. It discriminates against no man, woman, or child, regardless of race, creed, or social mores.

Eat to the Beat – Fiction

October 1, 1996

There’s a shitload of loners, losers, perverts, and weirdos who need to know which music will spice up the idiosyncratic flavors of their particular sex lives.