The Smears – with Butt Trumpet, The Meatmen, Sam Black Church at Avalon – Review

The Smears

with Butt Trumpet, The Meatmen, Sam Black Church at Avalon
by Duke Crevanator
photos by Joe Reilly

Who cannot admire the coming of spring? The warm weather, the leaves budding on the trees, scantily-clad girls unveiling their assets that have lain hidden for months and, of course, the annual return of the Meatmen to the New England area.

In the course of three days, Tesco Vee and his notorious crew caused a pile of broken bodies while storming from Portland, ME through Boston and finishing it all in a wild melee in Providence, RI. Our usual pit stop at the Cabaret on Rt. 1 could not be bypassed even for Tesco Vee (we knew he’d approve), so after viewing some very gorgeous naked women (it was a unaminous vote for Kascha as the hottest girl, but not after a little argument and some more beer) we continued on into the city. As usual, we got lost and tempers flared. When we finally parked, we headed immediately for the Rat and downed a bunch of liquor to get juiced up for the show. We all got in free because earlier in the week on the No Rules Show on WUNH 91.3 FM, I was asked to provide a question about the Meatmen – the first two callers with the answer would get free tickets. I supplied the question and then called Captain Leech and B-Face to inform them of the answer and when to call. Voila! Free tickets!

We got into the club and headed over to the bar. I got my drink and set about my search for Tesco Vee. Upon discovering he was not around, I was quite pissed. I got over it fast when The Smears hit the stage. An all-girl punk trio from Indiana, they wisely snagged my interest with their fast, loud, old school punk sound. I don’t know the names to any of their songs (I’d only heard one 7″ B-Face played for me), but it had the overall ambiance of hate/pissed off/who gives a fuck? that has kept me going all these years. As is typical of most Boston shows, The Smears did not get the reaction they deserved. They went first, so the people think they have to stand in back, milling around like faggots in a bus station. The only crowd excitement came when a photographer from this publication made retarded comments to The Smears about revealing their genatalia and got himself kicked out of the show. Later, backstage, The Smears told me they wished he had stayed so they could make fun of him. I told them they would probably get arrested for making fun of retards, unlike NH where we do it all the time.

Anyways, the Smears finished up their set, leading up to the biggest shock of the night: the Meatmen played second! I mean no disrespect (maybe I do) to the Avalon, Butt Trumpet, or Sam Black Church, but if they really think they’re bigger than the almighty Meatmen, they are gravely mistaken. And if anyone wants to use the “old age” excuse for Tesco, please refer to my Fear review a couple issues back. With that out of my system… The long-awaited time arrived. The music kicked in – it was the old classic “Razzamanazz.” Suddenly Tesco appeared. Garbed in his classic, fuzzy white pants with a huge, inflatable cock grided around his loins, we all knew the good times of summer had officially arrived. Although this tour is supporting the new CD, Pope on a Rope, only the title track was included in the set. Instead, all the Meat classics that were left off last year’s tour were brought back to life.

“Rock-N-Roll Juggernaut,” “Tooling for Anus,” “Crippled Children Suck,” plus many more were belted out by the Meatmen. Their many props (tubes that shoot feathers and glitter, various dildos, helmets, and masks), make a Meatmen show an auditory and visual barrage that should only be seen while on drugs that can induce violent psychosis. It didn’t last long enough, due to the fact they played second, leaving many of us more than a little pissed off. The chanting of “Meat! Meat! Meat!” lasted long after they left the stage and overheard a couple of fans yelling “Fuck Sam Black Church! I played $12.50 to see the Meatmen!” Rules is rules, however, so the set ended.

I headed backstage to party with the bands and to get free beer. While up there, I saw most of Butt Trumpet’s set from above. They did put on a great show. Adding to this, The Meatmen came back on stage to sing “Happy Birthday” to one of the members. It was an interesting sight; especially Tesco Vee in a pink poodle skirt wearing a rubber Satan’s mask yelling “Cluster fuck!” backstage while everyone pounded beers. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see Sam Black Church, but I heard them well enough from the backstage area. I wanted to check ’em out, but hey, it’s not every day you get to party with the likes of the Meatmen, the Queers, and the Smears. I heard most of it through my drunken haze, and they definitely rocked. All in all, a damn good time.

I spent a lot of time getting shitfaced with the Smears, who were joined by all the members of the Queers who came down to see the show. It all gets hazy after this, but I remember hearing the possibility of a Queers/Meatmen split 7″ (it’s going to happen) and the fact that the Smears were coming to NH where they will undoubtedly get a better reception than the stuck-up city-folk in Boston gave them.

Live free or die!