by John Bikowski
Entrails From the Crypt
Hey there, all you mother f***ers!! Sorry about that. It’s just that I recently saw Tales From the Hood and now I can’t stop swearing. This new horror anthology was directed by Rusty Cundieff, who also did Menace II Society, and it seems that wherever a line of dialogue was uttered there needed to be a healthy slate of obscene padding. You know… “Hey ***hole, pass the f***in’ butter, you stupid f***, you!” I was fondly reminded of junior high school.
Besides competing for the doody-mouth of the month club, this flick presents four separate stories that are tied together by a framing theme. The main gist concerns three black guys invading a funeral home run by a wigged-out freak who supposedly has come across some bundles of cocaine. He calls it the “shiiit!” Before he gives up his stash, he subjects the thugs to several twisted stories. The first concerns a Rodney King-type cop beating of a black political activist out to clean up dirty cops. The twisted fuzz kills the guy, much to the disapproval of an innocent rookie. The dead guy possesses this rookie and then comes back to rip the crap out of the cops who were busy pissing on his grave.
The next tale concerns child abuse and a teacher who tries to step in and help. For some inexplicable reason, the victimized kid has voodoo powers. He draws someone and then mutilates the paper causing the same stuff to happen in real life. His dad winds up looking like the victim of a Stephen Segal bone-crushing seminar.
The third entry is about Corbin Bernson playing a southern politician (a la David Duke) whose racism has incited the rage of many people. He runs his campaign from a notorious former slave plantation that had a curse placed on it, causing the souls of the tormented slaves to be transferred into tiny dolls. A nice touch is the painting of the ever-watchful old lady and her minions of evil. As they come out to kill, they appear as “missing” from the portrait. Potentially hazardous racial slurs, such as calling the tiny terrors “Nigrants” inspired laughter from the audience. This was refreshing to see in this age of political correctness where someone is always pissed at something. Needless to say, Corbin kicks some puppet ass but eventually winds up as lunch for the cannibalistic little gore-mongers.
The final story pulls in the wraparound tale. It is about how violence is being ruthlessly committed on the black race by its very own people. One drug-dealing murderer is shot down by fellow gang-bangers and winds up in a terrifying rehabilitation program. He is latched down and pumped full of cathodes and gizmos while he is shown, in rapid succession, very disturbing scenes of gang violence and racial murders. The idea is to desensitize him a la A Clockwork Orange (great film!). Some of the photos were disturbing because I think they were authentic. Well, I won’t ruin the ending for you.
If you feel that anthologies kick it, then check out The Offspring and Dead of Night (1945) at your video shop.