Graffic Traffic
by Ryk McIntyre
illustration by Greg Prindeville
Mr. Ryk Goes to Comic Storeville
I’m going to ask you to trust me, OK? In the five or six months I’ve done this column, I’ve tried to give, Give, GIVE. So now I’m going to ask something, and that is, to Trust Me.
Have I led you to think these books flock to me, eager pages flapping on Olympian breezes, hopeful of my benevolent notice? No, I get them just like you… I go to a Comic Book Store. And that, my cuddly readers, is why I ask you to Trust Me, cause I’m-a-goin’ to the Comic Store. I want you to come with me. Trust me.
To the average non-comic fan, a comic store is an intimidating place. Even if you luck out and actually find one that is well-lit, professionally arranged and staffed by people who wash regularly, it still seems to cater largely to people who already know about comics. Almost as if it were a language you need already know in order to learn.
This, however, can be a source of innocent-faced diabolical fun, if you play it right. Just go in somewhere and say you’re there to pick up some comics for a friend/child/mate whatever. You say: “I need some Xmen Comics? I’m not sure which title it is.” Clerk: “Xmen? Uncanny Xmen? Xfactor? Xforce? Excalibur? Wolverine? Cable? Xmen Classics? Xmen Adventures?” You: (Innocently now…) “What’s the difference?” This is like asking a fan of “All My Children” for a plot synopsis for the past year. For extra credit points ask, “What’s the story with this Phoenix character, anyway?” This gag can also work with Superman, Batman, and Spiderman titles.
As we enter the store, notice the bright, colorful promo posters on the walls. New books! Mini series! SuperGuys – wow! Lookit th’ Guns! Superchicks – wow! What tits! I call promo posters “poop.” We keep moving. Deftly moving around the fanboyz arguing Spiderman vs. Spawn vs. Batman, we close in on that Milk and Honey Land: the New Book Racks. (Before I begin discussing comics, I’d like to just point out that I have very nicely bypassed all the jokes I could’ve done about the overweight/hygiene-disabled/ stupid-like-fucking-bricks fanboyz that I thought up. Them unwashed masses can thank me by just staying away. You, my beloved readers, can just ply me with drinks and I’ll tell all.)
There is nothing, short of picking fresh vegetables, to compare with finding your favorite comic’s newest issue, and just picking it up and having it! And here is my bountiful catch:
1) Desert Peach (Aeon Press, Donna Barr – writer/artist): A great quasi-historical WWII epic centering on General Erwin Rommel’s alleged gay brother. Always humorous and civilized. Consistently an A+.
2) Doom 2099 #32 (Marvel, Warren Ellis – writer, John Royle and Scott Koblish – artists): Doom’s rule of futuristic America continues. Warren’s so cool I’d buy anything he writes! Even Excalibur. (Me and an X book? Ick!)
3) Godzilla-King of the Monsters (Dark Horse, Kevin Maguire – writer, Brandon McKinney and Keith Aiken – artists): Need you ask? Godzilla rules! Rules, I tell you!
4) Harlan Ellison’s Dream Corridor (Dark Horse, Ellison – writer, various artists): The only guy cooler than Godzilla (and I bet Harlan could whup his ass too!). Great visual adaptations and an original Ellison piece per issue!
5) Hate #19 (Fantagraphics, Peter Bagge – writer/artist): A misanthrope’s joy ride. The main character is an angry white straight male, yet many will enjoy this skewering manifesto of Not-Love!
6) Incredible Hulk #432 (Marvel, Peter Allen David – writer, Liam Sharpe – artist): Again, a good writer makes the difference between just another hero-as-outcast (or vice versa) schtick and a consistently well-thought out, thought-provoking story. Rock on, oh man with three first names.
7) Preacher #5 (DC/Vertigo, Garth Ennis – writer, Steve Dillon – artist): Garth Ennis is one sick @!*# writer! Literally spooky stories, great characters, fine handle on language; this book has everything. Apparently Mr. Ennis is good friends with Mr. Ellison. Figures.
8) Starman #10 (DC, James Robinson – writer, Tony Harris – artist): Told you about this one before, in an earlier column. Ten issues on, It Just Gets Better. Go! Go Now! Find them all and buy them! Read them! and hummmm….
9) Strangers in Paradise #5 (Abstract Studios, Terry Moore – all of it): Svelte, curvy, warm and full of heart. Truly an adult book in that maturity gives you a better understanding and appreciation. Characters so real you may know them (or people just like them). This book has made me cry. I’m not kidding.
Books in hand we go to the counter, pay the man, move around the fanboyz (now disputing exactly what would overload Wolverine’s Healing Factor) and make for the door. We have nine great books to savor, smell and devour. For the record, we’ve spent only $23.75. And I didn’t even tell any fanboy jokes. See? Told you you could trust me.
