The Newlydeads
(Mutiny)
by Chris Best
When I got this to review, I was told it had members of Chainsaw Kittens. I got home and read the bio and found out that piece of info was dead wrong. The truth is much more hilarious. The singer (and main musician/songwriter/programmer) of this band is Taime Downe of FASTER PUSSYCAT! No, I’m serious. But wait, this gets better. The bass player is Kyle Kyle of, oh God I’m still giggling about this… BANG TANGO! I’m not making this up. I couldn’t make this kind of thing up. I couldn’t wait to rip this one apart so this got priority #1 on my reviewing list.
I was so disappointed. I even feel ashamed. This isn’t half bad. No. I really kinda, sorta… like it. I mean, this isn’t a groundbreaker, but it’s not the piece of crap that it could have been. It sure beats the crap outta bands like Gravity Kills or Stabbing Westward or any other crap act being tossed off to the kids as industrial. It’s a damn strong release that doesn’t try to be Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Manson. The songs are more rock-oriented, with that bit o’ cheese in there that puts it over the top, but in a good way. If any guys could pull off cheesy metal riffs in industrial music, it’s these guys. I mean, what do they have to lose? Credibility? Their new Goth look fits them well, and their brand of industrial metal doesn’t sound forced or boring. Truthfully, this whole CD is pretty damn strong, even their Siouxsie & the Banshees cover (“Cities in Dust”). The bio says that Taime has always been into industrial and Goth, even before Faster Pussycat, and after hearing this, I’m convinced that he is.
Having said that, there is one thing that does bug me. Some of these songs could have worked just as well if they were done by a traditional cheese-metal, Sunset Strip hair band. As industrial, it’s perfectly catchy, perfectly dark, perfectly gaudy and glammy. If anything, the Newlydeads prove that Goth and industrial are the new cock-rock genres. This comes as no surprise to anyone who’s gone to see Nine Inch Nails in an arena, but now we have perspective. Ever since 1990, the Sunset Strip glam boys have slowly been turning into, not so much Epitaph punkers, but Goths. It makes sense; where can a guy still have big hair and get away with it? GOTH! Where can a guy still wear a ton of make-up without scorn? GOTH! This really is only the beginning. Mötley Crüe’s new album, according to the band, is going for a “kinda industrial, Nine Inch Nails sorta thing.” Ha Ha! The sad thing is that the genre has only ever had a couple of arena headliners: Fat Bob & the Mopey Boys (the Cure, to you and me), NIN and Marilyn Manson. Whoop-dee-doo! We certainly got cheated. How many metal bands have ruled arenas throughout the years? Too many to count. Now metal is getting big again because it’s OK to like these bands that have recreated themselves for a hip, new look. This is, of course, at the expense of punk, hardcore, Goth and industrial bands that actually did something new. Now kids everywhere are gonna think the Crüe really rule again. “Aw, man! This shit rocks!” That’s what kids are going to be saying this summer when the album is helping the Crüe pack arenas again. Why? Because the Crüe think irony is a way to describe the color of rust. They rock because they don’t get the joke. They rock because their cocks have always been in the right place. Finally, they rock because they are morons who can only do one thing (yup, they know how to ROCK). Oh yeah, sure, I listen to Shout At The Devil and see them live and laugh my ass off, but they get my money. Ha Ha! Joke’s on me! A lot of people wonder why bands like this have the solar system revolving around their genitals, and I’ll tell you why. It’s the same reason the Huns were able to sack Rome. Because they had the balls to do it. They mowed down the whiniest, most decadent army in the known world. They didn’t think twice about why, they just broke down the city gates, stormed in, and with a hearty “Wooohoo! I hear Rome likes to PARTAY!” it was all over. This is, unfortunately, why metal will not die. So sad. So sad. So sad.
But getting back to the Newlydeads, the album is great. Go get it.
