The Hookers

Satan’s Highway (Scooch Pooch)
by Jon Sarre

Black metal subject matter runnin’ smack into no-time-for-a-breath turbopunk like maybe if ya took Zeke and convinced ’em to stretch their songs out to what would be Black Sabbath length if you played Paranoid at 78 rpm, which, I figure, would bring ’em to the two min. average song length here. The Hookers sample the church bells intro which opens Sabbath’s first record, just in case the listener expected, I dunno, MxPx, from an album entitled Satan’s Highway with a goat head, pentagram, and big-titted vixens on the cover. That was thoughtful, ya know, ex-Nashville Pussy drummer/Hookers frontman Adam Neil and company are gonna get those family value points (and Christian fundamentalists can now burn their kids’ copies without even havin’ to listen to it!). These guys also win big in the “creatively relentlessness one-track mindlessedness,” “Sade-Reference” (for the “Smooth Operator” line on “We Don’t Fuck Around”) and the “Mindless Fun” categories. Tell ’em what they’ve won today, Don Pardo…
(5850 W. 3rd St. #209 Los Angeles, CA 90036)