The Razzels

Suck my First Impression (Get Hip)
by Jon Sarre

Timing is everything and if you’re gonna follow the lemmings, then Jesus Christ, don’t be the last one off the cliff. In other words, if ya must jump on the bandwagon, don’t wait for it to stop first. Much like takin’ a called third strike in baseball, yer gonna find yerself walkin’ back to the dugout (or unemployment office) thinkin’ I coulda had a hit one pitch (or been on MTV three years) ago. It’s not like I’m advocatin’ cribbin’ Korn’s sloppy homework, but for some reason Limp Bizkit (the band so good their record company had to pay to get ’em on the radio) is less pathetic as of now than some buncha schmos rippin’ off Green Day or Weezer years after anyone gives a shit. I guess what I’m sayin’ is if yer gonna play garbage, ya oughtta strike while the iron’s hot.

Case in Point #1: The Razzels‘ pop punk stylin’s immediately bring to mind a less witty Green Day or a Lookout! band that… uh… hell… they all sound the fuckin’ same anyhow. When they complain about “kissing ass I don’t even like” (on “Stuck in Here”), ya gotta wonder where the Razzels’ heads are at. Yer not supposed to like any of the ass ya kiss, dumbfuck! Tho’ I suppose they could talk themselves into likin’ kissin’ Fat Mike’s lardass – I’m sure people do all the time. The obligatory “ahh”s and “whoh”s supply that all-important “catchy” quality, so ya know ya need to tap yer toes as ya wait for the record to get done.

Case in Point #2: Minneapolis’ Likehell at least attempt to have their fingers in a couple more pies than the Razzels, since “metal” has been the adjective tagged on these clowns almost as much as “sounds kinda like Weezer.” They’ve also gigged with both Queens of the Stone Age and Speedealer and, yeah, Tony Oliveri’s clockwork drums recall Big Black’s programmable beats laid out by the fragile timing mechanisms of a real human, so they may be ridin’ a few different wagons at once. I guess that makes ’em adventurous, but in a way no less uninteresting than any careerist pack of Smashmouths out there. Pardon my cynicism, but at this point, I’m just as sick and tired of willing signable failures to be as “I am of Today’s New Sound (tomorrow’s has-beens).” AntiRock environment or not, bankrupt is just that. Wake me up when it’s over, will ya?
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