The Lonelies
Part Four: Late Night/Early Morning
by Adam Haynes
illustrations by Dave Dawson
As soon as the door was closed, Hannah grabbed him and threw him onto her futon. Instantly they were pressed together, kissing frantically, Jonah pausing only long enough to slip the Beastie Boys’ Check Your Head into her CD player. Finally! He thought, after all this time, finally a little action! Her lips felt like rubberized fruit, her tongue was a frantic rodent soaked in cheap white wine. Jonah loved every second of it. This was the second girl he was making out with tonight! The only other time he’d done something like this was back in Bar Harbor when he was sixteen. Before now, she’d only given him teaser kisses – a fast one on the mouth before she shut the door in his face. That sort of thing. Some women liked to play hard to get. That was cool, he could be patient. Now she was purring like a kitten in heat, licking his earlobes, whispering loudly things like, “Oh yes! Oh God, just please don’t fuck me now. Please Jesus don’t fuck me.”
Wait. Did she really not want him to fuck her? Or was it like, this big conflict for her about getting fucked so she was putting the control in his hands?
Jonah wasn’t sure what to do. He moved a hand to play with one of her tits and she shrugged away. When he took his hand down to rub around in her pussy hairs and maybe give her clit a nice pinch, she grabbed his hand and moved it up to her shoulder. But all the while, she was rubbing the Beast through his pants, and humping her crotch hard onto the side of his pelvis.
“What the fuck?” Jonah asked out loud.
Hannah sprung up and danced into her sliding door closet. Before Jonah had time to react, she came out with a shit-eating grin on her face, wearing a tiny dress that appeared to be made of chain mail.
“You like it?” she asked him, sashaying around the room like a fashion model on a catwalk.
“Why don’t you come back down here?”
She ignored him and he had to roll onto his stomach and jam the Beast into the futon to quench his moaning. “Is that what you’re going to wear tonight?” The chains were loosely connected and you could see everything underneath, especially those pussy hairs which jutted through like crab grass. God, it was making him so horny. And she knew it too. He could tell by the way she looked at him.
“No you dumb asshole, this is what I’m wearing to this year’s Camden prom.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Cost me seven hundred and fifty dollars. That’ll fucking show those bastards at Camden High to try to fuck with me.”
Jonah wasn’t sure what she meant. He could give a rat’s ass about the dress, or any of the shit she was blabbering on about. It’d taken him most of the winter to get to get to where he was tonight, months of her walking around her house naked, teasing him with those little fake-me-out kisses. Tonight was his night, by God, and what she needed to do was get back on the futon so he could try a more aggressive approach – something she probably secretly wanted.
Man, he was panting now – actually panting. Jonah made a grab for her leg as she strutted by.
“Oh no,” Hannah said, jumping back, so that the mail clattered and shook. “See, last year when I graduated, everyone thought I was a complete zero. This was before I did my hair and stuff. And there was this junior, this boy named Doug Doogus…”
“Doug Doogus?” He lunged off the futon and made another grab which she expertly avoided, giving him a reproachful kick with her heel.
“That was his name, alright? What a beautiful boy… big time wrestler. He could kick your ass. Anyhow, he must have known I had this like major huge crush on him, and he asked me to the prom. I was so fucking stupid. The asshole never showed up, and he had my ticket so I couldn’t even get in.” She had taken the dress off and was standing there fuming, hands at her side, clenched into little fists, her skin, stretched tight over her bones, turning beet red.
It made Jonah start thinking about proms and preppies. His junior year, right before he’d taken his GED, he’d snuck into the prom so he could hook up with this preppie girl he’d hardly known. What was her name? What a fucked up night that turned into… First, Will with his nuclear meltdown. Then, later, in the backseat of her mother’s station wagon, naked, and her suddenly wanting him to stick thumb tacks in her breasts… He didn’t mind doing that, but then she’d wanted to stick some in the Beast. Fuck that, what was he, a fuckin’ pin cushion?
That night had taught him hands-down that preppie girls were always the weirdest. They made punk girls look like nuns. That explained Hannah, he realized. The green hair was just a ruse. Anyone who’d want to go back to their high school prom was as preppie as you could get.
Hannah was saying, “So I’m going to go with my lesbo friend Kristin who’s graduating, and she’s going to wear like this totally decadent outfit too. And we’re going to walk around the whole time and not talk to people and like, be lesbians. I’m going to find Doug and get him all hot and bothered and then BAM! I’m going to shoot that fucker in the crotch with a paint gun! It’s going to be so fucking cool.” She came out of her closet again, wearing big red platforms and a baby doll dress that looked just like the one the chick from Hole wore.
“You’re going to shoot him with a paint gun?” Jonah considered whipping the Beast out and masturbating. No, he didn’t want to look desperate in front of her. Then she’d really lose interest.
“Uh huh,” she nodded her head, her eyes glassy and far away. “Gonna just whip it out and he won’t even know what hit him. And, damn, do those fuckers hurt. Teach people to think twice before they fuck with me, know what I mean?”
“How’re you going to hide it?”
“Huh?”
“How are you going to hide a big fuckin’ paint gun if all you’re wearing is a little skimpy-ass chain mail dress?”
“Huh?” Hannah looked irritated. She took a small metal box and mirror off her bureau. “Wanna do some coke?”
Jonah snapped to attention, for the moment forgetting about sex, high school, or anything else. “Sure,” he crawled over to where she was sitting.
“That’s cool,” said Hannah, arranging a few lines on the mirror with a razor and then snorted one up with a plastic straw. Only preppies do it with a straw, Jonah thought, taking the straw when she handed it to him.
“That’s cool,” Hannah repeated, squeezing her nose shut and snorting again. “Just act cool around Byron. I don’t like to share with him anymore.”
* * *
Zootz was a typical Sunday freak-out. He and Hannah wasted no time getting busy in the middle of the dance floor. As soon as they were in place, she started throwing her arms and hair around in a way that reminded him of a spastic Barbie doll. That was cool… He did his pseudo B-boy routine that allowed him to play it cool and check her out and feel like the biggest stud in Portland – the coke still making everything glitter and sizzle.
He was going to have two girls in one night! Not since sixteen!
Byron, being able to act more sober than Hannah, had driven them over in her Volvo. As the car skidded and crashed over ice and potholes, he took advantage of getting thrown into her. He’d nuzzled up against her in the backseat, snaking his hand up her dress to see if she was still playing difficult. “Oh dear,” was all Hannah said, and spread her legs wider so he could really sink his fingers deep into her slippery and beckoning muff. Now as they danced, she stared at him with the smug, alluring expression of one of those James Bond bitches, and he fantasized about how he was going to fuck her later. Oh man oh man oh man. He wouldn’t do it to her like Mildred. No way… Mildred was a specialty case. He’d always had that sick little fantasy about shitting on a girl, and the only reason he’d gone after her in the first place was because he knew with her he could get away with it. Hannah, on the other hand, was classy, plus he was getting the idea that they might be able to really hook up. Like long term. He might have even found a partner in crime, so to speak. Group sex! It was a whole new world to explore. Tonight, he’d start by eating her out, give her the award-winning tongue until she was…
Just thinking about that hot juicy slit of hers was making the Beast grow to epic proportions, throwing him off balance so he was dancing in and out of the beat. Hannah licked something off the corner of her mouth and winked at him. Damn, she was a sexy little piece! Even that fucked up wanna-be-punk Manic Panic green hair turned him on. He was going to come on that hair real good… blow jiz all over it.
Jonah swung up against her and suavely wrapped one of his hands around her ass, hoping to grind the Beast (who was screaming and begging to be let out) a little. Hannah yelled something he didn’t hear since they were right next to one of the speakers. He gave that skinny little ass of hers a mighty hero squeeze and moved in for some more heavy tongue action like they’d had in her room.
But instead of sticking her tongue in his mouth, Hannah kneed him in the groin and slapped his face. “What the fuck is your problem asshole?” she screamed in his ear before moving off to another part of the dance floor where she started dancing again like nothing had happened.
Like he didn’t exist.
What the fuck? he thought, bent over and irate. People who’d been dancing around them gave him smug looks out of the corner of their eyes.
What the fuck had happened? It was over between them, that was clear. No way he’d have anything to do with a bitch that treated him like that. Wasted months! Fuckin’ girl was crazy to lead a guy on like that and then just diss him for no reason. Fucking cock tease! Fucking preppie girls!
Getting angrier and angrier, he stumbled his way off the dance floor, over to the area by stairs to the restrooms. Needed to chill out; his metabolism was still in shock. The euphoria of the coke was long gone and the cheap wine, mixed with all the bad air and loud music, was creating a thin diamond sliver that cut into the gray matter above his right eye. Needed to chill out, come up with a new plan fast and reinvent the rest of the night before it got any worse.
Someone kicked him, hard in the back of his leg.
Jonah turned, swearing under his breath, and found himself facing Cindy and a small group of her little punkette friends. Roughly five little glares cutting through the gloom and sporadic disco lights. Hornets, he thought, I’m surrounded by fiery hornets.
“Oh give me a break,” Jonah said out loud.
“HEY YOU ASSHOLE!” Cindy screamed over the music and chaos. “YOU DISGUSTING PIG – I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU DID TO MILDRED!” She waved a black fingernailed finger.
“SO?” Jonah screamed back, pretending these little girls weren’t making him nervous. “WHAT THE FUCK BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS?” The diamond sliver was piercing deeper and deeper, forcing him to squint.
“CAUSE I’M A GODDAMNED WOMAN, THAT’S WHY, YOU FUCKING PIG!!!” Her eyes blazing, she gave him another good kick, landing this one dead-on in the middle of his shin with her steel-toed Doc.
Jonah yelped in pain and grabbed the wounded shin, hopping up and down and looking to see if anyone was watching, someone who might help him.
If anyone was, they pretended they weren’t.
“LISTEN HERE YOU MEAN LITTLE BITCH, I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOUR PROBLEM IS… I MEAN, YOU FUCKING CALLED ME YOURSELF EARLIER AND TOLD ME ABOUT ALL SORTS OF WEIRD AND DISGUSTING THINGS YOU WANTED TO DO…” Terrorized by punkettes – what the hell had happened tonight? Where had he gone wrong? Cindy wasn’t just creepy and fucked up, she was completely out of her mind and dangerous.
All he wanted to do was get the hell out of there… And get laid, that was the worst part. The headache, the screaming, the kicks – all of it was making the Beast even more unruly.
“LISTEN, CINDY…” he yelled.
“DON’T YOU FUCKING TELL ME TO LISTEN, ASSHOLE!!!” And in front of her entourage and the everyone else in the club, and God if he was paying attention, she whacked Jonah’s other shin, causing him to lose balance completely and topple backwards down the stairs he hadn’t even realized he’d been so close to.
Down he fell, mostly on what felt like his hips and shoulders. Feeling his favorite headband fly off. Feeling his trenchcoat rip apart in back. Mumbling things to himself like “Uhhh!,” “Damn!,” and “Fuck!” until he reached the hard concrete floor at the bottom.
For a few minutes, he simply lay there in a cluttered heap, feeling utterly mistreated and messed up, waiting for help to arrive. Nothing happened for a while, then someone stepped on him, stepped on him, as they exited the men’s room.
It made Jonah realize something he’d often suspected: Absolutely no one cared. No one at all. At least that little fucking Cindy hadn’t swooped down after him to finish the job, or he’d be a dead man right now. She wasn’t a little girl, she was a fuckin’ animal.
Deep breath in, deep breath out, deep breath in, deep breath out. Very carefully, he pulled himself up to a sitting position and then did a damage assessment. One of his hands was all scraped up and his right leg felt twisted around, but luckily nothing felt broken.
Then he remembered the camera.
Oh God.
Closing his eyes he felt for it at his side, felt the smashed lens, the dented frame. He started crying for the first time since he was a boy.
That fuckin’ little bitch. That fuckin’ little bitch was going to pay. That’s why he fucking hated little girls: They all thought they were princesses, they all thought they ruled the world. Destroy the only thing a man cares about and then just walk away. She should’ve come down here and finished the job ’cause now that fuckin’ little bitch was going to get everything she deserved.
When he stood up, there was a sharp pain in his left knee. It was so bad he fell against the wall and ran his forehead back and forth over the cold surface.
At that moment, his old buddy Will appeared from the men’s room. He seemed to be on auto pilot or something and Jonah had to actually wave to get his attention.
“I wanna talk to you,” Will said, letting Jonah put a hand on his shoulder. “What happened?”
“Fucking chick threw me down the stairs.”
Will nodded, not at all looking surprised, and agreed to help him get home.
* * *
As they reached the top of Forest, where it intersected with Congress, Will said again, “How could you tell him something like that.”
Jonah was getting exasperated. “I already told you, dude, I’m sorry that it didn’t work with you and Byron. I mean, what am I, the fucking miracle worker? I’m in pain here.” Will had told him Byron dissed him, but wouldn’t go into details.
“I can’t believe you said that to him.”
“Jesus, what’s the problem? I told him you needed to get laid bad and you were real repressed. What the fuck else was I going to say – that shit about Winona Ryder? If you want to get laid, you just say you want to get laid… Damn!”
Will was silent.
They crossed the empty street to where Abraham’s was glowing at the end of a row of storefronts with “This Space for Lease” signs in the otherwise vacant window displays.
Jonah stole a peek at his ex-roommate. Will was staring straight ahead and walking sort of funny. “Hey, I take it back…” he began.
“You know, she’s testing me.”
“Who?”
“Who do you think? Winona Ryder. This whole night has been a test. I don’t know why I haven’t seen it before… To prove to me her power. You know what I learned tonight? She’s more than human, she’s one of those… what do you call them? Demigoddess… That’s her. But you, of course, already know that, I’m sure.”
“Will…” Jonah said.
“Oh, don’t Will me, okay? I’m a sexual being. I am so full of mad magic sexual power, it’s wild, it’s crazy. I have a right to use my sexual energies in any direction I choose. But I’m not smart enough… If I want to get with Winona Ryder, I’ll have to pay more attention to signals she sends me.”
“Hold on, I gotta get something for this fucking pain.” He shuffled through Abraham’s door and held it open so Will could follow.
“She sends you signals now?” Jonah asked him, looking around.
The nonsmoking section looked exactly the same as when he’d been in before – no busier or emptier. Abraham’s would never change. Dekkler was in position at the back register. Jonah gave him the signal and Dekkler nodded, turning around and disappearing into the back room.
Will was talking faster and faster. “Man, she’s been sending me signals my whole life. Probably when I was in the womb – did you know babies dream when they’re in the womb? Well, I think that was her. The thing is, I never saw the signals until tonight. Once you see them, it’s like deciphering a code – it all fits together. And it’s so much more spiritual than I thought. Sex is so much more spiritual. It’s so much bigger than I thought.” His face was as slack as a mannequins, but his eyes were wide and dilated.
Jonah led him to a small table against the wall and sat him down. “Listen buddy,” he said, “You’re starting to stress me out. Don’t have another meltdown. Not tonight. Now I’m going to go back there and do some business, so you just stay here until I get back. I’ll help you get home, wherever that is.”
Will nodded, staring at something through the opposite wall at something faraway. “Sorry about your camera,” he said.
Jonah nodded and hobbled into the back room.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Dekkler was smoking a cigarette, leaning against a shelf loaded with generic ground coffee.
“What up, Dekkler?” They shook hands. “How’s life?”
“I just came up with a new theory.”
Jonah groaned. “I don’t want to hear it” he said, knowing Dekkler was going to tell him anyway. Fuckin’ guy had a theory about everything.
Dekkler took a big drag and dropped the cigarette on the ground, mashing it up with his sneaker. “Alright,” he said, “I’m gonna give you the condensed version ’cause it’s late and I can see you want product.” He paused for a second, peeking out to make sure none of the customers were trying to make off with the register. “Fine, so it starts with the industrial revolution…”
“Oh great.”
Dekkler gave him a dirty look and continued, “This is about being alive as a teenager, which you still are… So you’ve got the industrial revolution, and you know, before that, you don’t got no teenagers. Uh uh. Before the industrial revolution as soon as you hit puberty, bammo, you’re an adult, married, kids, all that. But then the revolution comes along and some very important things start happening…” He trailed off, like a teacher who hoped a student might help out.
“Child labor laws,” Jonah finally said.
“Right. Those, and also, the creation of the middle class. Both of these were brand new. Suddenly, here’s this class of people who, for the first time, have disposable income. Plus leisure time. And you have all these kids who aren’t allowed into the work force. What do you do with them?”
“Education,” Jonah said, wondering how much longer he was going to be able to take this.
“Yes, education.” Dekkler was nodding his head and smiling now, something he did rarely. “But that’s a misleading term because the real purpose of education wasn’t so much to educate, but was just another institution designed to do something with all these kids who weren’t allowed to be adults yet. I’m speaking mostly of high school here.”
For the second time that night, Jonah said, “Oh give me a break.”
“Think about it, man, the myth of high school. It was part of the industrial machine. But it’s not real. Nothing about high school is or ever was real. Now that the industrial age is the information age, it’s become a dinosaur, an imaginary dinosaur.”
“Dekkler you read too much. Listen, I just want some stuff. I don’t have all night.” Jonah was shaking his head, rubbing his left knee.
“Did you get your GED?” Dekkler asked him.
“Well, yeah.”
“Me too,” said Dekkler, “and it’s not a coincidence. What I’m driving at…” his tone lowered. “What I’m driving at is that it’s unfair. We’ve been screwed. We all hated high school, am I wrong? And we all bottomed out and that’s why we’re here.”
“What you mean, Portland?” Jonah was ready to strangle him.
Dekkler nodded, “Fuckin’ A right! The reason we all did so badly in high school is because we knew it was arbitrary bullshit! We knew we didn’t need it. We were ready for the world, but there was nowhere in the world for us. We also new it would be damaging. There was that philosopher guy who said something like, school polishes rocks and dulls diamonds.” He stopped, trying to remember the name, then gave up. “And that’s why we all ended up in Portland, because where else could we go?” He stopped again, scratching his stubbly chin and peeking out to check on the register again. “I’ll bet,” he said slowly, like he’d just thought of it, “I bet every state has a Portland. Yeah, I’ll bet they all do. And none of them are any different.”
Jonah took a deep breath in and then let it out. “Dekkler, I have forty dollars. I just want some drugs. Can you just please give me some fucking drugs?”
Dekkler reached into his back pocket and took out a small, folded up piece of paper. “There’s only one thing in town right now. Personally…”
“I’ll take it,” Jonah said.
When he came back out with the goods, Will was gone.
Jonah threw his hands in the air, feeling slightly grateful. Goodbye, Mr. Unpredictable and Self-Involved. True, the guy had plenty of reasons to be so affected, what with his mental and emotional problems and then what had happened to his mother and everything… But, then again, things were tough all over. It wasn’t like he was getting the easiest of rides. See you in another year – I guess, Jonah thought, hoping as he always did that wherever his ex-roommate was, he was okay.
Jonah limped home, swearing to himself the whole time.
to be continued…
