The Fonzarellies

Sweet Velvet Runaway (Nice Guy)
by Lauren Bussard

First of all, these four kids from Omaha look like a punk rock version of the Village People, which, if it’s not blatantly obvious, is a terrible (although highly amusing) thing. Second of all, they sound like Operation Ivy reluctantly performing lame ’50s love songs at an even lamer high school prom. The fierce punk rock energy is almost there (the singer does a pretty good job of barking/growling out the lyrics), but it seems to have been sucked out by some evil force, and all that’s left are these 13 flat and sappy songs. Sweet Velvet Runaway is The Fonzarellies‘ first full-length album (they released an EP in 2001), but as far as I’m concerned, it should be their last. The lowest point of the CD is “Poison,” which bears an unfortunate resemblance to Aerosmith’s “Cryin’,” and that right there is enough to make me dig my eardrums out with a rusty spoon. The rest of the CD goes predictably downhill, with the last track, “Re-Arranged,” lamenting “a girl that’s trying to re-arrange/ her life without me there.” Sniff, sniff, tear, tear. Sorry boys, but add me to the list of girls taking you out of their lives.
(PO Box 42815 Cincinnati, OH 45242)