by Tim Den
Brilliant. Part Alterna-Lifestyle Guide for the Idiotic Public, part Make Fun of Hipsters for their Unoriginality and Predictability, The Hipster Handbook scores perfectly on all fronts with its categorization of hipster types, dress codes, music selections, social behaviors, and even colleges of choice. Neatly broken down into financial and hobby-related groups, hipsters have never seemed more shallow and just-as-cliché-as-the-“normal people”-they-make-fun-of than here. Example: The UTF (Unemployed Trust Funder) disguise their upper-class status by 1) drinking 40-ouncers and tab soda, 2) stocking the fridge with generic brands, 3) borrowing money, 4) saying “I’m a freelancer,” 5) grabbing their mail from home before anyone notices their “letters” from home, and so on. The strict guidelines for being a “hipster” mapped out in these pages are hilarious, not just cuz they’re true, but cuz it amazes you how desperate people are to make themselves feel “cool.” At what point did “hip” culture embrace Dolly Parton? How the FUCK did we get to this point? “Hey, I know, the next cool thing is to eat a mouthful of dogshit in public. Let’s get on THAT, quick!”
You and I both know the kinds of people described to a T in The Hipster Handbook. We can only hope that they pick up a copy at some point and realize they’ve been living bigger stereotypical lives than Mr. White Hat around the corner.