The Macho Man’s Drinkbook
(Nicotext)
by Brian Varney
As if the existence of superior bands such as Union Carbide Productions, The Soundtrack of Our Lives, Dungen, The Hellacopters, The Entombed, and Abba weren’t proof enough of Sweden’s artistic and cultural superiority to the USA, The Macho Man’s Drinkbook may just be the final bit of proof needed to convince the most stalwart of skeptics. Conceptually, the book is quite simple: It’s a listing of drink recipes alternating with pictures of nude women. There are a few jokes thrown in for good measure, but the drinking and the boobs are the main order of business here.
Sounds simple enough, right? Fuck, sounds like it could come out of pretty much any issue of Playboy ever. Wrong. For one thing, the drink recipes presented herein are almost entirely revolting, at least from a theoretical standpoint. Perhaps a Colorado Bulldog (1 oz vodka, 1 oz Kahlua, cream and a splash of cola) or a Deathwish (four equal portions of grenadine, Wild Turkey, peppermint schnapps, and 151 rum) taste better than they sound, but I’m never gonna find out. The fact that the recipes sound mostly repellant may seem a drawback rather than a selling point, but who cares? What macho man in his right mind would drink this sorta shit anyway? Macho men drink beer and whiskey, right? OK, red wine, if they’re trying to impress some sophisticated chick, but for the most part, alcoholic beverages other than beer from a can and whiskey from a jug with a handle are cause for mockery amongst men who are macho.
As for the women themselves, while there’s no information regarding dates or locations of the photo shoots, I’m going to guess, based on hairstyles, background accessories, and the coloration of the photographs themselves that these were taken sometime in the 1970s. And this is where we diverge from the current American standard of cheesecake, because these women are beautiful in a very realistic and natural way. While they are mostly hot in an “unattainable for a guy like me” way, they look like real people. They’re not airbrushed, their hair is mostly its natural color, and their breasts come in all shapes and sizes, because they’re real.
So what’s it all add up to? Were I pushed to describe the book in a few words (which I should’ve done at the beginning and saved you the above hoo-hah), I’d describe it as a hot party favor, something to keep on the coffee table or a bookshelf that’s in a high traffic area so you can pull it out at a party or when you’re drunk with friends for some gut laughs and quality boob ogling.
(www.nicotext.com)
