by Ewan Wadharmi
Hey kids, did I ever tell you not to trust anyone over 30? Well, you’ll hate James “Kibo” Parry and his outdated archaic rambling. Why don’t you run along and get you a green tea boba? Are they gone? Awright, the youngsters aren’t going to have much use for Kibo’s pop-culture musings on Barbara Bain “Are You Being Served,” or Joanie Cunningham. We probably should let them back in the room for his hilarious captions and blasphemous idolatry, but let’s keep it to ourselves. We’ve earned a little “grown-up time.”
Leader Kibo started his pseudo-science fiction/philosophy/culture/quasi-religion hot on the heels of Church of Subgenius. (I think he’s a radical sect.) For 15 years, he’s hosted a Usenet group to expound on physics, mathematics, and British sitcoms. He’s so entrenched that Al Gore had to contact Kibo to ask permission to invent the Internet. You’ll spend actual days perusing tidbits like “The Beverly Center is pretty ugly, especially when Ann Heche standing in front of it” and learning the significance of “The slightly larger big lowercase H of moderate nuisance value.”
In an invaluable piece, he rates Dr. Pepper knockoffs and reveals which ones taste like “battery acid with a tenth of a Pez dissolved in it.” This public service spared me from hundreds of dollars in carbonated prune juice going down the drain. Kibo bares his oddball obsessions like pictures of traffic cones and font fetish. Plus, since he’s from Boston, there’s lots of laughs on The Big Dig and local museums. So you kids look him up and go cut his garden hose. Hey, I said get off my lawn!