Ans Purins – Page 2 – Lollipop Magazine

Garbage Pail – Top Ten Things Your Friends Ask You To Do – Column

November 1, 1997

8. Hit him for me. 7. Tell her I just want to be friends. 6. Smell this.

March of the Lemmings – Fiction

December 1, 1996

The first few strains of The Macarena conjure up repellent images of faceless millions gyrating about like people attempting sign language after free-basing.

The Conundrum of Fun – Fiction

October 1, 1996

Mr. Dickens’ Workshop is great. The kids learn all about the Industrial Revolution while having a chance of being pulled into the rusty, blood-spattered mills.

The Beast – Fiction

June 1, 1996

The Beast is dedicated to the proposition that the human race is so profoundly stupid that the only options are to exploit the bovine fodder or succumb to them.

What Goes Pop in The Night – Fiction

April 1, 1996

People piss me off. I think there’re too many of them. I’d like to pop a few, but I won’t. I don’t know why I won’t. Probably ’cause I ain’t got the nerve.

Pigeons – Fiction

March 1, 1996

Pigeons gave me insights into many things, but above all, they were fun. I would reward the good ones, punish the bad ones, and protect all of them.

Aliens Got My Mom! – Fiction

February 1, 1996

Nathan thought of Jake Fist. Jake was cool. Jake could handle fleshy-headed mutants. Jake wasn’t afraid to walk to the bathroom if he had to pee really badly.