Lollipop Magazine

Garbage Pail – Scene Splicing – Column

September 1, 1999

Scene Splicing: Backstreet Fat Boys, Kerry King Missile, Green De La Soul, L7 Seconds.

Garbage Pail – Samantha Fox to Join Spice Girls – Column

September 1, 1999

The popular British brand have finally found a replacement who can fill the expansive bra of the departed Ginger Spice. Her name: S-s-s-amantha Fox!

Garbage Pail – Finally! A Scientific Study We Can All Understand! – Column

September 1, 1999

Researchers at UMass released a new study indicating that, contrary to beliefs about its destructive effects, collegiate binge drinking is a fucking blast.

The Lonelies – Part Two – Fiction

June 1, 1999

As Will hurried through the dark, freezing streets, he thought about the plan: Get the hell out of this town, marry Winona Ryder, and live happily ever after. All he had to do was write a book…

Don’t Call Me Chief – Fiction

June 1, 1999

Life as a shortie shouldn’t be so rough. I was the naive kid who didn’t know he was a year too old to be wearing Underoos (hey, they were fun to wear).

The Lonelies – Part One: Sunday Night – Fiction

April 1, 1999

Find me, I have placed myself in films just to help you locate me. Find me and we can then share the love neither of us has and it will be true and wonderful and eternal…

Lincoln Logs – Fiction

April 1, 1999

“Abraham Lincoln was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.” There it was – the first line of my book report for Mr. Mitchell’s American History class.

Garbage Pail – Movie Combinations – Column

April 1, 1999

Movie Combinations: Boogie Nights of the Living Dead. There’s Something about Moll Flanders. Bound to Crash on a Lost Highway.

The New Guy’s Not Working Out – Fiction

January 1, 1999

It wasn’t like Willis to compromise, but the new guy was persuasive. They agreed to salvage the “Love” sign by changing it to “Love Jesus or Burn in Hell!”

Godzilla – Review

November 1, 1998

After watching the abominable Godzilla, I was struck by how little original thought was put into its $120,000,000 budget.