Godzilla
with Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo
Directed by Roland Emmerich
Written by Dean Devlin
Haven’t We Already Seen This Before?
by Jody Boyns
illustration by Dave Dawson
After watching the abominable Godzilla, I was struck by how little original thought was put into its $120,000,000 budget. There’s nary an iota of creativity used in the entire production and furthermore, nothing new was added to the Godzilla myth. My thoughts were further bolstered after catching the 1968 classic, Monster Zero, recently and watching the reel where Godzilla pounds the multi-headed dragon Ghidra with lefts and rights while the camera showcases his fancy footwork á la Cassius Clay. That scene alone shows more chutzpah than the farcical 1998 wannabe. Never before has the tired phrase, “been there, done that,” been more apropos than after one viewing of this summer bomb. Had copyright infringements not taken over, this release may as well have been called Copycat. What’s most irritating is the blatant robbery of themes or ideas stolen from other, better movies (incredulously, none of which is the movie that it should’ve taken from – the 1956 original). This is just a partial list of movies this stinker borrowed liberally from. Add more at your own discretion.
Independence Day – The least surprising of all the movies listed considering the same duo (director Roland Emmerlich and screenwriter Dean Devlin) that brought you ID4 are also responsible for this horrendous remake. I guess this lends credence to a learned director’s theory that you make one movie in your career and try to remake it every other time out. Once again we see the wanton destruction of well-known landmarks. In ID4 it was the White House that needed to be destroyed when our view of politicians hit an all time low. In Godzilla, it’s the Chrysler and Met Life Buildings that have to be trashed as our view of corporate America wanes. Also of note – the Disney stores that were demolished (heard on the news report, not actually seen in the movie). Is it just a coincidence that Disney is the chief rival of this movie’s distributor (Sony)? Hmmm.
Gamera, Guardian Of The Universe – Thought the idea of having Godzilla nesting his eggs in the confines of sports shrine, Madison Square Garden, was a stroke of genius? Gamera’s arch nemesis, the Gyaos, laid their eggs in a domed Japanese baseball stadium (might’ve been the Egg Dome) in this, Gamera’s final Japanese film. Hey, maybe they can hire a few Hollywood hacks to eff up this franchise as well.
King Kong – Another monster takes a swan song at yet another fabled Big Apple landmark. The big ape opted for the needle (Empire State Building) while the Japanese lizard tried the wire (or cables if you will) of the Brooklyn Bridge.
Jaws – Let’s not show the monster for the first 45 minutes or so. And then when we do show him, let’s just do it partially and not let the audience see him whole until it’s too late to demand a refund (a refund in the latter movie, not the former, natch). And how about the fishing trawlers getting pulled to their watery graves? Come to think of it, didn’t that scene with the old coot fishing off the pier look rather familiar, too?
Jurassic Park/Lost World – At least they picked a good director to rip off, huh? The baby Godzillas were basically ‘raptors without the fans. They run, jump, and snipe like ’em. Maybe the folks at CGI can make these things a little differently the next time out.
Aliens – The pregnancy theme obviously played a big factor in the storyline (and the potential sequel – gasp!), but even more bothersome is the overall design of the monster. Protruding, grinning teeth to go with a buff, chiseled, jacked frame. Honest to God, what did we do before H.R. Giger came along? I can’t even think of what monsters between Reptilicus and the first Alien looked like.
Harry and the Hendersons – Don’t know if it was the nationality factor or not but… was I the only one who noticed a striking similarity between Jean Reno and that French trapper who eventually warmed up to Bigfoot? Both characters are equally sketchy and boring.
Gremlins/Gremlins 2 – Those baby Godzillas looked so cute slipping and sliding on the basketballs and gumballs. Just like their furry Mogwai brethren. Devastatingly cute and so gosh darn marketable (they’d better be because the box office receipts certainly aren’t boffo).
War Of The Gargantuas – Both movies start out basically the same with a Japanese freighter being pulled down to the sea by the title character. In its defense, the original Godzilla had a similar scene, but why bother giving these guys any credit for anything? I am, after all, ripping them.
Night Of The Living Dead – Did you ever see so many stiffs in one cast?
