Lollipop Magazine

Shrink-Wrapped Reality – Fiction

April 1, 1995

Arrested by the police yesterday, our guest has been charged with introducing the new McHuman™, fulfilling the needs of the fast-food cannibal niche.

The Culture Bunker – Goes To New York – Fiction

April 1, 1995

Secretaries were tossing office supplies into a bonfire, around which the technical staff cavorted, chanting the lyrics to “My Sharona” and playing air-guitar.

Liz Starbuck’s Sleeping Beauty – Fiction

March 1, 1995

I put a log in the stove and started to peel off his frozen clothing. When I got his pants off I almost freaked out at his legs’ bluish quality.

I Need These Things to Kill Me – Fiction

February 1, 1995

My favorite women are the ones I used to fight with. Out loud or to myself. There weren’t many but they were strong.

Cupid’s Painbrush – Fiction

February 1, 1995

There’s a kind of Zen to dipping the paintbrush in the paint can just deep enough, and then sliding it across a window sash, holding it at the perfect angle…

Baby, Baby, Baby, Where Did Our Love Go? – Fiction

February 1, 1995

Why do people always try to fix you up with someone when you’re perfectly pissed off all by yourself?

A Valentine’s Message – Fiction

February 1, 1995

All you single women out there are absolutely cool as shit, and most of you [heterosexual] single men are stone-cold petrified by that.

Write about Love – Fiction

February 1, 1995

It makes people feel funny, stupid, and important. Much the way large quantities of liquor make people feel. Only instead of puking, you (hopefully) get laid.

The Diamond Rams Club – Fiction

February 1, 1995

“If you’re ever in trouble, call that number,” he said. With his Spanish, it came out as “If you turn left at the chicken babies, then I wanted to dance.”

The Culture Bunker – Fiction

February 1, 1995

Things are looking bleak: Murder, suicide, fires, floods, and that seven-headed serpent that’s been outside my window singing the complete score from Showboat.