The Night Chicago Died – Fiction

November 1, 1998

Street level new music, which had previously been delightfully profane, had been rudely adopted by sacred operatives. Nothing could ever be the same.

Trailer Park Barbie – Fiction

March 1, 1995

Soon Barbie became a recluse, avoiding Malibu altogether and spending most of her time at her My Little Pony Ranch, located 20 miles south of Lake Tahoe.

A Valentine’s Message – Fiction

February 1, 1995

All you single women out there are absolutely cool as shit, and most of you [heterosexual] single men are stone-cold petrified by that.

Lather – Fiction

October 1, 1994

I shaved (using, of course, the newly found ancient can of special lather formula). When I’d finished, the rash had disappeared, so I went to work.

Prelude to a Lick – Column

October 1, 1994

Theoretically, I’m supposed to be summarizing “what’s going on” in this issue. Well, it’s hard for me to tell what’s going on because I’m too busy going on…

Broken Shutter Beach – Fiction

September 1, 1994

Victor, You’re stupid and you have broken your poet. Maybe you should come with Jasper. To the island. No shutters ever get fixed but a lot of poets do. -June

Prelude to a Lick – Column

September 1, 1994

You think I’m running this show, but Lollipop is just an excuse for a bunch of speeding kamikazes to shake out the contents of their brains on a piece of paper.

The Culture Bunker – Fiction

September 1, 1994

Civilization is steadily declining, hope is just an ugly backwoods burg in Arkansas, and somewhere Nostradamus is smiling and collecting on his bets.

Water Country – Fiction

August 1, 1994

The fastest water slide in all of New England. I conquered my fear of small children being braver than myself as well as my fear of death, all in the same day.

Mad Matt’s Money Review – Fiction

August 1, 1994

A691641057A – This finski reeks of the gutter, of being passed over the counter of the neighborhood packy for a pint of Dubra a few times too many.

The Brian Setzer Orchestra – Review

August 1, 1994

The release’s finest points are during the more fingersnapping, uptempo big band full-swing numbers when the band members all get to show off their chops.

The Enemy Within – Fiction

June 1, 1994

April is the foolest month. Dying were two of popular culture’s most self destructive demi-gods, Kurt Cobain and Richard Nixon.

A Band Called Me – Fiction

April 1, 1994

Like I, Me in the Key of E is an album whose primary message is one of self affirmation, particularly if the self happens to be lead guitarist Hans Onanson.

The Re-Possessed – Part Duh – Fiction

February 1, 1994

“They’re dying to write their quota of tickets and head on out. But it won’t be so easy. Bwuh huh huh ha ha ha heh heh heh.” I laughed diabolically to myself.