Lollipop Magazine

Liquor Lecture – The Parting Shot – Column

June 1, 1999

I had experimented with as many fermented chemicals as I cared to ingest. I’d found my likes, my dislikes, that which made me angry, sad, and projectile vomit.

Liquor Lecture – Drinking Symptoms and their Solutions – Column

November 1, 1998

Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Liquor Lecture – Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder – Column

September 1, 1998

I’ve always shown that sign of addiction, the phrase “I can stop at any time.” I bet you can see what’s coming.

Liquor Lecture – Temperance – Column

April 1, 1998

There comes a time when I just don’t have the kindheartedness to forgive the slovenly drunk, even though I have worn that hat on much more than one occasion.

Liquor Lecture – Column

March 1, 1998

We’ve covered what to drink, how to drink it, what to do when you’ve drunk too much. But what to wear?

Liquor Lecture – Hangovers – Column

November 1, 1997

There are some who claim that they have never had a hangover. To them I say, you have never had the full drinking experience. Then I tell them to fuck off.

Liquor Lecture – Column

October 1, 1997

Sometimes it all becomes too refined. Don’t you want to have a cheap, shitty, gutter brew? Don’t you want to relish the pain it takes to swallow Popov vodka?

Liquor Lecture – What I Drank On My Summer Vacation – Column

September 1, 1997

There I was, swimming, laughing, and letting it all hang out, when I grabbed my beer, took a deep pull, and sighed in satisfaction.

Liquor Lecture – Malt Liquor – Column

July 1, 1997

Malt Liquor is beer that has been distilled longer to increase its alcohol content. The makers also add corn and rice to the mix, also to up the alcohol.

Liquor Lecture – A Public Service Announcement – Column

June 1, 1997

Drinking to excess is important at times (say, you just broke up with your sweetheart, lost your job, family reunions) but usually, it’s just not efficient.