Heroes Jargon
by Bob Butnam
illustration by Dave Dawson
What’s up comic fans? Are you all psyched for Meteor Man? (Not!!!!) Well, it’s probably better than the Captain America movie. Anyway, last issue I kinda briefed up on the basics to ensure that I wouldn’t lose any newcomers to the comic scene. I don’t intend to hold back from this point on. (I almost sound serious, huh?) In this month’s comic rant, I’ll review Reign of the Supermen, Knightfall, Valiant, Image, and a few high-priced Marvel mags.
O.K., let’s start off with D.C.. This past month sales have been screaming due to Reign of the Supermen and Knightfall. Now, if you’re still in the dark about these two storylines, allow me enlighten you. Reign of the Supermen is a sad example of what lengths a company will go to to make money. Maybe I’m being a little harsh, but I thought they would at least wait a year or so to revive him. In this line, Superman returns in four different personas of his original self: The Last Son of Krypton, a Cyborg, Superman (a younger version of Supes), and The Man of Steel. The four are set loose, and are now proving themselves to the world. The Reign plot leads us through Action Comics, The Adventures of Superman, Superman, and Superman The Man of Steel. Tapping into the minds of Kessel, Stern, Jurgens, and Simonson, D.C. is giving the Kryptonion the best come-back a hero could ever hope for.
The last son of Krypton is supposed to be the real essence of the big guy, but lacks his sense of nobilty and justice. The Cyborg has Superman’s D.N.A., but is secretly an alien villain leveling cities and blaming it on the Last Son of Krypton. (Oh, and beating up on the superkid.) The Superboy (who hates to be called that) is filled with raging teenage hormones and is trying to be Mr. T.V.. Now here’s the real joke! The Man of Steel has nothing to do with Superman at all!!! The real Superman once saved his life; that’s the tie in. Henry Irons (The Man of Steel), once a military weapons designer, now is trying to avenge Superman’s honor, retrieve the weapons he created, and save the world with silver armor and a giant hammer. (Who is this guy anyway, Thor on drugs? And how come he didn’t get a chromium embossed cover? And who’s the “S” geek in Spawn 10?)
So we’ve got all these Supermen, and what do they do? (The one in Spawn just sits there and says “Doomsday.”) The Cyborg is swinging towards world conquest, The Last Son is out upholding justice the ol’ Charles Bronson way (while picking fights with the other three), The Kid is out signing T.V. contracts and getting himself on Lex Luthor’s bad side, and The Man of Steel is trying to make sense of all of it. If it sounds confusing (it’s probably just me), it’s not. It’s a silly story that manages to leave you hanging at the end of every issue and at $1.50 cover it leaves you with enough money for the next one.
Knightfall. Bats is in real trouble this time. Bane (the bad guy) has let loose all the criminals from Arkham Asylum to drive the DarkKnight to a nervous breakdown and crush him. Well, he does just that. And I mean crush! The caped crusader didn’t stand a chance as the massive Bane beat the $#@+ (snot, if you were wondering) out of him. Holy handicap! His back snaps like a twig and his confidence along with it. But Gotham still needs it’s hero. The mighty Azrael steps in to take his place and show the Batman cannot be beaten. At first, Bruce and Tim thought Jean Paul (A.K.A. Azrael) would be a wise choice. But as Robin is finding out, the new Batman’s tactics could get them both killed. Meanwhile, Bruce is going through the whole “I’m helpless” situation, but refuses to give up. (Do you smell a comeback?) This series is definitely worthy. With classic cover art by Kelley Jones, Keith and Sienkiewicz, and the inside mastery of Aparo, Dixon, and Janson, there’s no rookie art here! The same applies to the writings of Moench and Nolen. In short, a jolly good read. Also, check out the Catwoman in her own mag crossing over into Knightfall. Finding employment with Bane, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before Selina finds herself up a tree.
Finally, onto Image! Mike (The Green Arrow) Grell is the first veteran to answer the Image roll call. His Shamen’s Tears is the big one this month. Using a half-breed American Indian, Grell is confronting environmental issues we face everyday. Mike’s a personal fave of mine, and I have faith that this book is going places.
Elsewhere in Image; McFarlane’s Spawn story remains mysterious with appearences from Cerebus and tiny glimses of heros from around the comic world. (Kinda neat.) The Maxx is getting darker, deeper, and more confusing every page. (I mean, women eating their own toenails? Weird!) Exceptional literature for the mentally insane. (I subscribe.) Also, the long-awaited The Pitt #2 is out and on the shelves. Grab a copy while you can!
Valiant comics is another indie taking a solid chunk of the comic market. Stablizing its universe with some older, almost forgotten, heroes such as Magnus the Robot Fighter, Doctor Solor, and Turok, twisted in with the likes of Bloodshot, Hairbinger, and X-O Manowar, puts their world on the constant edge of excitement. (And with every title they put out going crazy in all the guides, need I say more??) I enjoy just about everything I read from Valiant. Storylines seem to be their strong point. In the line of artwork (with the exception of Barry Windsor-Smith and Bart Sears), they’re a bit weak. Which leads me into the Image-Valiant project called Deathmate. (OoooH! I see chrome, and empty wallets.) I’m hoping the book will really tap into Valiant’s writing and Images art, not the other way around. (Eeek!)
On to the Mighty-Marvel-Money-Magnet. You remember that disease called the Gimmick Cover? Symptoms include: Eye-blinding silver and gold paper, triple fold-out limited edition poster, once-in-a-lifetime trading cards, poly-bagged, die-cut, and only-so-many signed by the artist. The damage that this causes is tragic. It leaves its victim with an empty wallet that even Phil Rizzuto couldn’t fix and a comic that usually goes no where in the guides. I’m going to try to save some of you from this dilemma by reviewing some of these high priced napkins. (By the way, they’re not all bad, but at 3 bucks a pop, they’d better be good.) My list includes Infinity Crusade, Warlock Chronicles, Deadpool, Sabretooth, NightThrasher, and the first from Clive Barker’s new mind dump, Hyperkind.
Both the Crusade and the Chronicles are very shiny, and were followed up inside with an intriguing plot that tightly locked each of the others with the rest of the Marvel Universe. The plot is complex and would be ridiculous to try and explain (kinda like the Superman thang), but it’s worth every penny. (Of course, I read it at the store. I’m poor, what do you want?) You can group Deadpool and Sabretooth into the same lame catagory of “bad guy gets real popular and gets re-packaged as good.” (Like professional wrestling, except wrestling’s real. Right!! Don’t let anybody tell you its fake. The liars!) Sorry, I was having flashbacks of when I was thirteen. Where was I? Oh yah, lame.
Both Deadpool and Sabretooth are assassins shrouded in a mysterious past and are being hunted. Neither story has anything to do with the other, which allows them to continue into a four issue hell. I hope they get better, because their pathetic covers certainly don’t justify $2.50 and $2.95 price tags. Skipping along to yet another pretty covered book: NightThrasher. Not being the most powerful or exciting character in the Marvel Universe, at least Thrash gets better storys. (Good management, must be.) The theme is the old “hero alone, in search of his friends, and doesn’t know who to trust or turn to.” Typical, but so far so good!
And finally, from the mind of Clive Barker to the bowels of my trash receptacle comes Hyperkind. This one’s a real shame. You can really separate the Barker from the Marvel and wish Marvel had nothing to do with it. Hopefully, this one will grow up to its impressive hype. A little more Barker dementia and a little less Marvel pulp, please.
Next month, we’ve got DarkHorse and Malibu’s Ultraverse. Also, the ten top reasons why people hate Rob Leifield. Don’t miss it. In closing, I’d like to say that everyone should be reading The Mighty Magnor from Malibu Press. Get a laugh out of a comic instead of laughing at it.
