Heroes Jargon
by Bob Butman
Hola, Amigos! Welcome to issue three. Wow, issue three, I’m still shocked that we had enough brain cells to make issue one. I think of it this way, we’re already on our way to outlasting most of the titles at Image. (An Image dig, I couldn’t help it.)
Alright, let’s get started. Last month, I said I’d write about Darkhorse comics. O.K., so last month I lied. Moving on to what I am going to talk about? Malibu’s Ultraverse!!!!!! (I like it) Image’s Spawn, Valiant’s Turok, D.C’s Superdorks, and believe it or not, a couple of really cool surprises from the company that brought us Wally the Wizard. You guessed it, Marvel. All this and more in the following excitingly stupendis paragraphs. ( Sorry, I’m trying to build some hype. I probably should just see about getting a foil cover.)
As usual, I’ll start off with D.C. (not ’cause I like ’em more, it’s just painful sometimes and I like to get it over with). Last time, I was trying to be as positive about Superman‘s comeback as I could, but I’s can’t take no more! First there’s one, then he dies killing a monster. Then there’s four. Now the first one’s back (that makes five) and he kills one (back to four, however he’s probably not really dead) and now they’re gonna bring back the stupid monster that died killing the first one. UGH!!! I’m getting a migraine!!!
Onto the Caped convict. The new Bats is quite the psycho, and Robin can’t seem to find a straight jacket that fits. Now that the Knightfall is over and Bane has been beaten, the underworld is in a scurry to see who takes up where Bane left off. Jean-Paul (the new Batman, for those of you who live in a closet) is slowly losing his freinds and his mind. Shutting off the entrances to the Batcave, Jean is taking his newfound identity to its fullest by going way beyond the limits of the law. He’s even starting to lose credibility with Batman’s long time comrade, Commissioner Gorden. He’s totally shut out the Boy Wonder so that the Dark Knight is solo once again (and that convieniently opens the way for Robin’s own series $$$).
Image, the fledgeling company, is just starting to find trouble in paridise. Internal problems have left the bad boys of comics with grown up desicions and some of the titles are being cut. Just from the local gossip, I picked up that Tribe, Trencher, and Wildstar are caput, with The Pitt and Shamen’s Tears on thin ice as to whether they’ll even be remaining on the Image label. As I understand, this has a lot to due with deadline problems (sound familiar?). Anyway, on to the books in print.
Spawn is learning more and more about his past and f#@*ing awesome is the only way to describe it. Let’s just say we all should know the guy who originaly killed him (surprise,surprise). Plus the return of the little fat slob who looks like a hotdog vender at a wrestling match, The Violator! Shamen’s Tears #2 and Deathblow #2 are out and already should be in your collection. Nuff Said! Union is the latest new book out and it’s got me drooling for the next one with a hero you’re sure to love and a guest appearance from Stormwatch.
Vailiant is on the move with Dr. Mirage and the up ‘n’ coming Ninjak, so stock up on #1’s, and Bloodshot #6’s too, as it’s the first appearance of Ninjak. Turok remains hot with a solid story line and strong pencils. That, with a luscious blonde for Ancient Indian to eye, who could ask for anything more? (Time to subscribe!) As for the Deathmate series, the Image/Valiant crossover, it’s reading material for coma patients. The story is sure to make your brain hurt and the art’s just not good enough to save it. It sounded like a good idea for the two hottest universes to collide in an earth-shattering, mind-bending plot, but instead, we see all our favorite Image and Valiant heroes stumble over a bad script and, at a 4.95 cover price, they must think that there are a lot of idiots out there to pay it. Don’t be one of them. Help take a bite out of crime!
Malibu’s Ultraverse is the greatest thing to happen to comics since the birth of Groo. This dynamic new universe is a cross between Image and the ’70s titles from Marvel. Sounds a little weird, but let me explain. The characters are portrayed with modern looks and stories much like those in Image, but they’re given a lighter, not so serious feel to them, much like the ’70s titles. (I mean, don’t get me wrong, most of the ’70s and ’70s comics were just stupid, these aren’t.)
The Ultraverse includes Prime, Hardcase, Strangers, Freex, and Mantra for the first wave, and Firearm, Exiles, Prototype, and Rune to round out the universe with a concrete collection of ultrahumans. Also, take note on some of the names on this one: Barr, Englehart, Breyfogle, Simonson, and soon Barry Windsor-Smith and Jim Starlin. Now, if you’re not sure what those six have acomplished, lay off the the drugs, they’re affacting your brain! The list is so long that just about anyone that has ever read a comic has probably read something by one of them. These books were most definitely the most enjoyable pieces of cartoon literature I’ve read in years. Each one leaves you smiling and fullfilled (kinda like, ah? Never mind). You should have the point by now that I LIKE IT!! and I think you will too.
O.K., last but not least, (I know it’s cliche, cut me some slack,
I haven’t slept in days) Marvel’s input into this wonderful hobby which is enough to need a part time job to support. Well, last issue I was being a little negative (I know, ridiculous, right?) about Sabretooth and Deadpool, with good reason. They both started out really lame, so I stated the fact. Alright, a couple more issues are out and my opinion has changed on both.
Sabretooth has gone from bad to pathetic and, of course, you know that Wolverine would just have to be in this one. Sales, Sales, Sales! Unfortunately, instead of adding to the intrigue (ha ha ha), Wolvie just waters down the already typically insulting plot. It’s got those little twists and turns in the storyline that just might stimulate a seven year old. Whatever mystery that is suposedly in it can be seen from a mile away, and that which you might miss, you’re all the better off. I almost forgot to mention the one decent thing about the book, Mark Texeira’s artwork is outstanding, so just look at the pictures.
On to the good news. Yes, Deadpool managed to turn my thoughts completely around with nice display of character growth through line after line of smart-ass comments and witty movements. It’s really good reading for the light to moderate abuser. Other things to smile about are the new mini series from Daredevil, X-Men 2099, and (Oh, Joy! No, not Ren and Stimpy) the long awaited Spirits of Vengence.
Daredevil The Man Without Fear is a sure hit. With Frank Miller behind the pencils (writing pencils, that is. Kinda wierd since he became famous for drawing Daredevil) and John Romita Jr. with the art. This is a four issue breakdown of ole Hornhead’s life and origin told by the only man on earth worthy of doing so. Don’t walk by this one on the rack because it won’t be there long. More next time. (Promise.)
At first, I wasn’t much for the idea of a 2099 series of anything, but with the addition of the X-Men, I’m hooked. This series consists of a team of mutants fighting for the right to live in the free world much like the old one. That’s it. The new team is refreshing to experience with the strange calache of supermutants of the future. Strong, solid, strange, new, and enjoyable. Plus, their leader has legs that work. Now there’s a new concept. Sorry to make fun of Professor X, but let’s face it, half the Marvel Universe is part cyborg. What’s the problem, bad health plan? In short, the only thing that says X-Men is the title.
Wow, will this article ever end? One… Last… Thing… Almost… There… and so is the Spirits of Vengence. The darker side of Marvel has come together and blown away all other existing tie-in stories (such as Deathmate and Infinity Crusade). This is one of lines where you can’t afford to miss one page, never mind one issue. Intense is the only way to describe it. Blackout and the Lilin have returned and have joined forces with Centurious to aquire the Medallion of Power. Not only are the battles good verses evil, but good verses good, evil verses evil, dog verses cat, cat verses dog; I mean everyone’s fighting everyone in these pages. Nobody really likes anyone, but they take sides out necessity. The list of creatures in this mag. crossover is numerously devilish. Dan Ketch (new Ghost Rider), John Blaze (old Ghost Rider), Blackout, Pilgrim, Lilith, the rest of the Lilin, Centerious, Vengence, The Blood, and every other Midnight Son’s character you can think of. These titles are destined to be Marvel’s best and you should have them by now. I’ve only read a few and would insult you by trying to tell you what it’s all about. Take my word that it’s more than worthy, So Buy It, Read It, and Smile in the Dark.
That’s it for this issue. We thank you for your support. (Bartles and James rip off, huh?) Wait a minute, you’re probably thinking that I forgot the Top Ten Reasons why people hate Rob Leifield. Well, I didn’t. The problem is, I only received 4. Well, that’s not true. There were more, but I don’t think that organ size has anything to do with it and nobody would really do that with a small animal, would they? If so, send photos. Till next time, May the Force be with You.
