Lustre

(A&M)
by Dana Buoniconti

Right now, I’m looking at the bio. Peppered throughout the usual flowery prose are quotes supposedly from Martha Stewart, Anna Nicole Smith, and God, as to how great Lustre is. I’m gonna have to disagree with the Big Guy on this one. Lustre tread ground in such a way that they are dangerously close to ripping off a number of bands: Teenage Fanclub, Goo Goo Dolls, and Sugar come quickly to mind. The last thing the world needs is a Goo Goo Dolls cover band. Lustre’s guitars have an all-too-familiar sheen, as if the band loaded up their shopping cart with what was on sale at the local alterna-mart. If you’re going to be a hack artist, at least be clever about it. Try to make us think the similarity is a mere coincidence.

But back to the bio. The band considers their music “muscle pop.” Hmmm… right. If anything, singer/guitarist Will Marley seems like the kid who got his school lunch tray knocked out of his hands by bullies; he comes off like a wussy-boy with some really offensive vocals. I’m quoting from the bio here: “And boy, do girls love him!” Notice the exclamation point, which is, I guess, supposed to drive home the reasoning that if chicks dig Will, so should I. As I listen more to the album and delve deeper into the bio, I get the impression that the band is really enamored with themselves. Lustre is so vain, in fact, that there is applause after the last song on the album. I’m clapping, too. Thank heavens it’s over.