Ben Is Dead

#27 $3.95 (PO Box 3166, Hollywood, CA 90028)
by William Ham

We have made our way through the wilderness with no food, no water, and only a copy of Bobby Sherman’s Greatest Hits to sustain us. We are exhausted, bruised and bloody, yet somehow elated, because we have come out the other side to bask in the warmth of freedom’s sun. Yes, that’s right, this is the third and final installment of “Retro Hell!,” the comprehensive purge of pop-nostalgia using the roughage of pulp to flush the system clean of reminiscent waste products. Feel that blessed sense of relief as it all goes careening downward – Judy Blume, Malcolm McClaren (the intestinal parasite of punk), Emergency!, Patty Hearst, Skylab, Olivia Newton-John… the best thing about such a depressing litany is that they’ve probably triggered enough associations in your mind that I don’t have to work too hard to write this review. Smart, funny, and knowledgable (perhaps too much so – the notion that someone out there knows more about Pink Lady and Jeff than I do frankly frightens me), with enough cobweb-clearin’ info to stun a stoat, this should be the last (few hundred thousand) word(s) on the perversion that kills children, destroys families, and keeps Rhino Records solvent. The sickness is cast out. This house is clean. (But the first one of you who necessitates Part 4 by writing outraged letters on Dukes of Hazzard stationery reading, “Hey! Where’s Manimal?” wins themselves a Pop-Rocks-and-Pepsi-Light enema from Mason Reese.)