Prelude to a Lick
by Scott Hefflon
illustration by David Coscia
As an aside note, it seems I, in particular, and we, as a loose collective called a magazine, may seems erratic in certain areas of “support.” Specifically, it is not a rule of thumb that we support punk comps and porno. Yes, I’d be one of the first to give a big shout out to anyone who can release a punk comp that opens my eyes to bands I’ve never heard of who, dammit, fuckin’ rule! Obviously, that doesn’t happen often, and that’s why it’s such a great feeling when it does. A snide little dig I’d like to make: the two best punk comps I’m referring to (just over the last few months) were both compiled by “nobodies.” I don’t mean that as an insult – they’ve since proven to have admirable judgment – I mean that they were not within the pre-established circle of hipsters we’re all supposed to be looking toward for “the next great band.” This is the rare upside of alterna-nation, where anyone and everyone can have their fifteen minutes of fame owning a record label. Most are ignored. And for good reason. It’s not especially hard, in theory at least, to do something right once. Repeating the process with any sense of continuity is the tough part. Whether they’re one-shot wonders or not, I’ve Got My Friends (Flat) and Keep the Beat (Hairball 8) are standout punk compilations in a sea, an enormous sea, of mediocrity.
On the topic of porno, it’s a very personal subject. Porno is worse than music when it comes to focusing on sub-sub-sub genres. I believe they’d be called “fetishes” in this case. While a 90 minute video of fat guys in zippered leather masks spanking squealing porn hags dressed to look like prep school girls may tickle someone’s fancy (or at least sound like it’d tickle the uninitiated’s fancy), many of us find it really, really lame. A 30 second novelty kick, and that’s it. BUT, in my not-so-humble opinion, everyone should watch one just to see what it’s all about. Pick one, any one. To the experimentalist, all the subtle nuances of the form (I guess there are some) will be lost on you anyway without the broad (so to speak) background of the spanking elite. But hell, aren’t you curious? I wouldn’t label anyone a “pervert” because they’re willing to bear the, ahem, humiliating, process of browsing the seedy backroom adult section of their local video store. Not to mention trying to keep a straight face at the cashier’s counter. You don’t have to be an icky, leering guy in a trench coat who makes your skin crawl, you also don’t have to be embarrassed that your “intellectual curiosity” demands you not voluntarily stay ignorant to such matters. This is why the mainstream is so hopelessly dull – they haven’t the balls to take risks.
