Barbarians on the Potomic
by M.W. McCue
illustration by Dave Dawson
Guilt is present in the very hesitation, even though the deed be not committed. – Cicero, De Officiis, 44 BC
It’s been a bad month.
The writing is on the wall. The Fall of the American Empire is at hand. While Clinton fiddles, Washington burns as the American Century limps to an ignoble close. A wild pack of reporters circles the steps of the DC Federal Court House, all the while sharpening their thin steel filleting knives. A feast will commence upon the delivery of one slightly plump intern, though a truly sumptuous repast will be called if the Big Man himself should be dragged in.
There will be great gnashing of teeth should this spectacle result in impeachment. Many bemoan the black stain which will soil the Presidency. As to Clinton’s hangers-on, they will soil themselves. But in the rush to address the immediate concerns of either covering one’s own posterior or sinking a meat hook into someone else’s, a very critical point has been glossed over.
The opinion of the “man in the street,” if the ubiquitous polls are to be believed, is that the ends justify the means. The majority believe Clinton is lying, and that same majority couldn’t care a whit. In other words, as long as the average citizen can afford the lease payments on their utility vehicle, a cafe-latte-espresso-mochaccino-whatever each morning, and a six-pack of the micro-brew of the month, then he or she will allow the President of the United States to stalk the halls of the White House seeking prey to his seemingly insatiable lusts.
Though no longer taught in most schools, sacrificed for much more important topics like Native American rock worship or the contributions of minorities in developing the mechanical pencil, the Roman Empire succumbed to its hubris in a similar manner. After vanquishing each and every adversary, the Romans, drunk on their stature as rulers of the known world, set new standards in debauchery which have been emulated but never matched. While Caligula and his minions frittered away the glory that was Rome on bacchanalian orgies and the wanton slaughter of the Circus, those on the outside looking in grew hungry… and grew strong.
True, it is foolish to draw literal parallels between ancient Rome and today, i.e. orgies in the Oval Office, two thousand years later finds us in comparable straits. Russia, with her fleet rusting at its moorings and her soldiers dying of starvation in their bunks, warns us of the consequences of attacking that two-bit hoodlum in Baghdad. While Washington publicly grants them the courtesy of a response, privately the words are laughed at as the ramblings of a drunken panhandler. Love him or hate him, Ronnie Reagan de-clawed that Bear, albeit at the perilous expense of the American economy, several years ago. Who dares challenge the wisdom and might of the United States!? The world quakes and quails at the specter of the American magic show!
While the White House hones its purported “Doomsday Plan,” geared to air the sordid laundry of everyone from Newt Gingrich to the schlep who shines the spittoons in the Senate chamber, the average citizen turns from Tim Russert to the violent voyeurism of the Jerry Springer Show. Not to be outdone – here is your modern-day Forum, America! Hey, that white trash retiarius in spandex dropped her trident! Dispatch her, immediately!
One school of thought has recognized current shortcomings and has embraced them. Apologists and rationalizers are quick to point to the bemused looks cast by England and France at the disconcertion caused by Clinton’s indiscretions. After all, moral turpitude has long been the norm along the corridors of power in London and Paris. These foreign utilitarian points of view are offered up in an attempt to head off American voices of outrage. However, if you ask me (let’s assume you did), one shouldn’t seek role models in an island which watched as its world-wide empire atrophied to a few assorted spits of land in the South Atlantic and the Caribbean, nor answers from a country whose foreign affairs now consist of mopping up Third World Sub-Saharan toilets after the latest tribal war has gone awry.
Not that Europe doesn’t offer some valuable contrasts. Time was the President of the United States was looked to as an example, his public comportment spoke for the country as a whole (the key word here is public, so save your Kennedy, Roosevelt, et al comments). He was not only the head of government, but the de facto head of state, an important distinction. Other countries – the above mentioned Western `civilized’ nations chiefly – fill this role with a non-political monarch. Like it or not, the Queen of England and her jughead son were truly representing the English with the withdrawn and cold public airs they carried during the mourning of the Princess of Wales. Additionally, some rulers moonlight as religious leaders as well. QE II is the head of the Church of England. Emperor Akihito, regardless of any piece of paper Doug MacArthur forced the Japanese to sign on the USS Missouri, is seen by his people as a living god. Perhaps if hedonism is finally formally recognized as our state religion, our current Commander-in-Chief could don both hats. But I digress…
Well, perhaps it will all be over soon. Late word from Vegas has it that Uncle Jesse and Cooter from Hazzard County were apprehended toting a vial of anthrax around the city. Delivered properly, one vial of military grade anthrax would make the Murrah Building look like a traffic accident. Perhaps the barbarians won’t appear at the gate. Perhaps they have been among us all along.
