Fifty Tons of Black Terror
Demeter (Beggars Banquet)
by Jon Sarre
England proves that there’s life after Billy Childish’s hairline started receding by unleashing Fifty Tons of Black Terror on these shores. I dunno if these gents are gonna get past customs without a short quarantine period to sweat out some contraband, but hopefully they’ll get to slither through, cuz once that nasty rash goes away, those who dare will appreciate the kick in the ass this band supplies on Demeter. Throw it on and the listener’s unwary self is immediately slugged by “Voyeur’s Blues”‘s ham-fists of Big Black love propelled by drunk-on-deltablues harp and creepy Aussie psychophile vox, kinda provin’ a suspicion I had that Albini’s brief Rapeman fling with Scratch Acid’s rhythm section was the apex of Mr. No-Butt’s career (driven home by Fifty Tons on “A Deviant Soiree” just in case I needed further convincing). The vibes get steadily badder on “Gus’ Neck” where Jesus Lizard downs the Magik Marker’s Mark and becomes Drunko-Godzilla and promptly flies down to Memphis and buys a ticket for the Graceland tour for the sole purpose of ransacking Elvis’ medicine cabinet.
Next thing ya know, the guards get wise to ‘Zilla’s scheme and kick him out, so, for laughs, he breaks up a Kareoke bar to the tune of Gun Club balladry (song’s called “La Grotte D’Amour,” really). Singer Charlie Finke’s leisure suit gets stained with some pain-in-the-ass innocent bystander’s Bloody Mary, so he strikes (up) the band a few notches for a ditty called “Road Rash” and snarls a while re Chinese pimps and rapists and laughs like it don’t matter now that it’s closing time, so he goes home for a shower (or maybe he doesn’t, I’m not sure). Then, on “The Beauty and The Beast,” everybody gets sick from the bad shrimp they ingested in the Turkish prison where they met the guy who owns the deed to Robert Johnson’s soul. Flushed by all the success, the boys cover the duet John Lee Hooker never got around to doin’ with Charles Manson (“Harmonic Surf Spastic”) and invent a new dance craze called “The Gin Waltz.” No, they never get around to explainin’ how one does “The Gin Waltz,” but if your copy of Demeter is like mine, there’s also a nifty 4-song remix EP they did to, I dunno, clear the floors at discos everywhere. They must need the space to Gin Waltz.
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